Graham wishes he hadn’t waited until the last minute to check up on this stuff, and regrets not paying more attention to prerequisites during his (admittedly wilder and more carefree) freshman years on campus.
The tomato
Recently accepted to the University of Ottawa’s Faculty of Science to study animal behaviour, the McDonald’s raccoon landed on campus this Thursday to figure out if U of O campus life is a good fit for him. But the visit left the raccoon, and students, questioning whether the U of O is truly the caring and inclusive campus it claims to be.
The Fulcrum is hoping its high praises result in an OSAP amount constituted of mostly grants — like many students, the Fulcrum has no idea how to repay the government loans.
“I mean, I’ve been studying environmental science for almost three years now, and I’ve never come across anything that suggested the possibility of ‘warm weather’ in this city. Maybe I’d be inclined to believe them if this were somewhere like Toronto, but everyone knows that Ottawa just doesn’t have a spring.”
Since the eradication of pedestrian walk signal buttons from his ward, Menard has launched an attack on all buttons in general, with no trace of discrimination. The buttons on his office’s microwave, the buttons on all of his clothes, the buttons on his remote control, and the buttons on his home appliances, including his washer and dryer.
Zuckerberg’s sample presentation featured fake news stories the Facebook team plans to promote this election cycle, including headlines such as “Trudeau Pressured Wilson-Raybould to Help Maple Syrup Industry” and “Andrew Scheer Literally Ate A Baby”.
Currently, the SFUO is crashing on different friends’ couches and futons throughout the city until she can “get back on her feet.” According to one friend who wishes to remain anonymous, the SFUO is not a great roommate.
“It’s going to suck not being woken up to the sound of heavy machinery right outside my window,” claims Roberta Pebble, a second-floor resident of 90 University. “There’s really nothing like the sound of tons of gravel being poured on LRT track. I’ve grown to like it, I guess I’ll have to buy an alarm clock now.”
“I don’t want to go back to Ottawa, it’s cold, the dining hall food sucks, and I would have to get on a train for five hours. Back here, the fridge is fully stocked with stuff from Costco, my laundry gets folded and put away, and nothing has to ever change.”
A recent study led by University of Ottawa researcher Dr. Jarius Cross led to a shocking discovery. There was, collectively, zero reading done by U of O students during the winter semester reading week.
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