The Tomato

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Looney Tunes victorious in comically awesome basketball game

IN AN UNBELIEVABLE turn of events, the Looney Tune TuneSquad of Tune Land—located beneath planet Earth—defeated arch-nemesis The Nerdluck Alien Monstars of Moron Mountain 78 points to 77 in a legendary basketball game.

The TuneSquad—a group that can be described at best as a rag-tag band of misfits, and Michael Jordan—had more on the line than just a win on the scoreboard. The team played for their freedom, as a loss would mean the group would be captured and forced into becoming the entertainment at a failing amusement park owned by the Nerdlucks’ leader, Mr. Swackhammer.

To prepare for the game of their lifetime, TuneSquad leader Bugs Bunny—alongside basketball superstar Jordan—coached the team from pitiful to kind of acceptable.

Bunny and Jordan were joined by the Tasmanian Devil, Lola Bunny, and Daffy Duck in the game’s starting lineup. During the first half of the game, poor targeting and sloppy defence from the TuneSquad was no match for the Monstars’ NBA-level talent. The score was brought to a secure 48-18 for the Monstars by the final three minutes of the second quarter. This comfortable lead turned into a blowout when the Monstars brought their lead to a whopping 66-18 at halftime.

“I’d never theen thuch outrageouth thscoreth in my exthistenthe,” exclaimed Sylvester J. Pussycat.

“I’m dithgrathed.”

Then, as if they had consumed some sort of performance-enhancing beverage at halftime, the TuneSquad brought the score to 68-66 with four minutes left in the final quarter of the game.

The Monstars then crushed the Tunes one by one until a timeout was called by Jordan, who made the decision to play clumsy publicist Stan Podolak. The publicist was also crushed and brought off court, adding to the Tunes’ growing injured list.

The TuneSquad was finally saved by a surprise visit from actor Bill Murray, who joined the game in its final 10 seconds, while the TuneSquad were hanging on by the skin of their teeth behind the Monstars at 77-76.

“This is why I was born,” said Murray. “I thrive under pressure.”

While the final seconds of the game slipped into the future, Jordan flew like an eagle and utilized his impressive wingspan with his signature slam-dunk to sink a jumper—bringing the final score to 78-77 for the TuneStars.

When asked about his impressive improvement, Jordan remained humble.

“I don’t know about flying,” he said, “but sometimes it feels like I have these little wings on my feet.”

After assisting in the game, Jordan returned to Earth and resumed his basketball career with the Chicago Bulls.

The Looney Tunes remained grateful for Jordan’s help in the nail-biting game.

“I d-d-d-do be-be-be-believe I owe my thanks to Mr. J-j-j-jordan,” said point guard Porky Pig.

“We-we-we-we couldn’t have done it without him.”