On Feb. 1, reporters received word that a group of students had successfully completed the expedition to cross the infamous U of O university square for the first time. The square, a famous dumping site for U of O snowplows, also saw record-high amounts of snow dropped off.
Initial reports included lost forts found hidden by the mountainous piles of snow, a trampled set of iron fences meant to prevent the trek, and even a frozen U of O student nicknamed “ol’ business management” because of the singular glove and textbook sticking out from the snow.
The expedition, which began on Jan. 30, was set to cross from Vanier to Lamoureux in a matter of minutes in order to make it to a first-year English course by 2:30 p.m. that same day. Misfortune struck the hikers when perilous weather picked up at the central part of the passage
“Frankly, I’m not sure how we survived,” commented Tem Perate, one of the students involved in the hike. “We lost a member when we were suddenly attacked by large iron beasts who could produce snow seemingly from nowhere… I still wonder how many real snowmen there are out there.”
By nightfall, the crew was seemingly trapped in the university square. Surviving members utilized paper copies of their syllabus, left in their bags since the start of the term, as kindling until the conditions improved. To pass the time, the group asked hypothetical questions to each other, such as: who do you think is most likely to freeze to death first; who would be the best Popsicle; and if you had to bring one thing with you to a frozen university path, what would you bring?
Poor weather seems to have prevailed throughout the next day, generally improving until early morning on Feb. 1. How this might be related to university snow plowing schedules is yet to be determined.
Despite the harrowing journey and widespread gossip since the return of the adventurers, students have been seen embarking on the path across the university square daily. A statement, provided by university spokesperson Abo Homme d’Neige, told the Fulcrum that the university bookstore would soon sell snowshoes and climbing equipment to capitalize on this new exploration craze.
