The Tomato

Tomato reporter with full-time nickel Nicholas Elliott. Photo: Christine Wang, CC, Jerry Woody, edits by Christine Wang.

On the stress of being a coin

After recent proposals to get rid of the nickel, much like the penny in 2013, the Tomato decided to sit down with a nickel to learn a bit more about them, and understand their views on how Canada’s monetary system should change.

Tomato: How do you respond to people who say you’re just not practical?

Nickel: “I know we’re not super practical, I mean how many times do you need exactly five cents for something? But there’s a sentimental value, we’ve been around for so long!

T: Where do you think that sentimental value comes from?
N: Seriously? We have a beaver on our coin. There’s nothing more Canadian than a beaver. Look at any other coin, you’re gonna keep the dime around because it has some boat on it? How many people even know what the boat’s called? Or what about the quarter with the caribou? You know everyone thinks it’s a deer, right?

T: Okay this is obviously a sensitive subject. Let’s talk about what you think you bring to the lives of the average Canadian.
N: I’m not even sure where to begin. I bring a visual reminder of wealth. People feel so rich when you see the collection of useless coins on a table in your room, and that’s because of me. Well, me and those stupid dimes, but who needs them anyway? I’m also the useless money you can give a child when you want to feel generous.

T: If it was up to you how would you change the Canadian coin system?

N: I would definitely get rid of the dime, if that’s not clear already. In fact, I would suggest taking the best of our coins and just using it for everything. Let’s get rid of these different coins, no more quarters, no more loonies, no more toonies, just different sized nickels. Every coin would have a beaver on it to keep it simple, and we’d just go by size instead of some obscure measurement like monetary value.

T: Do you have any plans on how you’ll spend your retirement, either forced or voluntary?

N: I’d probably get really into Bitcoin. Money is a young coin’s game and I don’t have the energy to do it in real life. But if I can still coin from the comfort of my home, that sounds perfect to me.