TABARET LAWN WON’T BE NEEDING A TRIM ANYTIME SOON
The University of Ottawa was emblazoned with controversy this Friday following a failed charity barbeque which resulted in a charred lawn and ashy hotdogs.
The charity barbeque, which was reportedly meant to raise awareness for greenhouse gas emissions, burned down any doubts about the future of Tabaret Lawn when a stray grill was knocked over onto dry grass.
While the University boasts about its lawn with a solid 4,500m² worth of field, it appears the organizers did not account for the week long September inferno temperatures and bright sun that parched the iconic lawn.
“It was cool last night; how could it be caused by global warming?” said Charlie Inder, local U of O Grilling Expert.
Inder further elaborated, noting the University’s insistence on fireworks and other assorted pyrotechnics to show students what a world on fire would look like. When pressed further for the amount spent to fund such a visual show, Inder refused to comment and left with an ember still glowing on his wallet.
As a result of the Tabaret Lawn bonfire, U of O students submitted complaints marking the incident as ‘a firestorm of mismanagement’ and ‘likely to delay already delayed construction even more.’
Tin Derbox was one of the few students to purchase a hot dog moments before the incident occurred and one of the few still to walk away from it who was rather chilly.
“I mean, it sucks that we can’t do yoga on the lawn anymore and that the trees look like black wire but it’s a nice change of scenery!” said Derbox. “I really think the University can capitalize on this, maybe some merch?”
In response to losing an iconic hangout spot, the University has suggested yet another fundraiser: selling charcoal to rebuild Tabaret Lawn. This article will be updated should there be any more burning developments to this story.
