WE’VE BEEN PRETTY damn good at the Fulcrum this year. Between logging hours over our Macs to put the paper out each week, going to classes and getting good grades (or attempting to, anyways), and—sometimes—trying to catch some sleep, our editorial board has been too busy to even think nasty thoughts (Di Daniels notwithstanding). So, Santa, listen up! We’ve got some pretty hefty requests this year, but we think you can handle it—we’ve been so legit, after all.
- For Café Nostalgica to stay open forever and ever and ever.
- A student federation that isn’t quite so crazy about the Canadian Federation of Students (CFS)—that thinks about its own students before its commitment to the CFS.
- Cheaper textbooks!
- For Robin and Barney to just be together, and a legit Dexter season finale.
- A 24-hour coffee shop close to campus—how does this not exist already?
- Far less expensive—or much better tasting—food in the cafeteria.
- An H&M in Ottawa.
- A fully bilingual university where all services are offered in both official languages.
- For no one in Ottawa to ever be forced to spend the night on the streets this winter, and for all the homeless shelters to be eternally stocked with food and warm clothing.
- A Time Turner. Pleeeeaaaseee! We would share it and everything.
- More foosball tables on campus—or just one in the editor-in-chief’s office.
- A guarantee that our university degrees will mean something upon graduation—that is, for steady employment beyond retail to be more than just a pipe dream.
- Snow, so we can have a snowball fight outside our office!
- A Board of Administration that debates things instead of just agreeing without argument.
- For at least one of our Gees teams to make it to a Canadian Interuniversity
- Sport championship this year!
- Straight As. We swear we’ve earned them—or at least we would have if we hadn’t spent so much time at the Fulcrum!
- For all the super opinionated people at the University of Ottawa who just love commenting on our website to write for us.
- The eradication of bullying of all forms—cyber bullying, slut-shaming, homophobia, all the bullying!
- The ability to fly while playing Quidditch—none of this running around with brooms bullshit.
- For Starbucks, Second Cup, or any coffee shop, really, to deliver. Oh, and McDonalds should get a delivery service, too.
- Peace, love, happiness, and all that jazz.
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