The Tomato

Student foils deception—Tim Horton’s, U of O face conspiracy allegations

Photo: CC, SteFou

A U of O student has discovered the existence of a magical beverage that is now coming soon to the University of Ottawa campus. According to sources the beverage is known as an “iced cappuccino”, and is a cold, sweet, creamy drink that combines the caffeine kick of a coffee with the sweetness of a milkshake.

Gabriella Dormer, a first-year health sciences student, who was at the forefront of this discovery, uncovered a secret, redacted documentwhich dictates that “iced cappuccinos” should only be available at Ottawa establishments that students are unlikely to visit.

This includes Tim Hortons locations that are too far to be worth the walk during midterms, or that put personal safety at risk, such as the Rideau Street Tim Hortons.

This week the unsuspecting Marchand resident ventured out of the Food Services bubble on campus, and found the next big thing in beverages after making a 15-minute walk and sacrificing the ability to use her meal plan money.

”It’s incredible!” said Dormer. “After my midterms this week, I found a spare hour to kill, and who knew I would uncover a phenomenal coffee drink to tell all my friends about.”

The discovery has stirred up controversy on campus, as students question what Tim Hortons’ motivation could possibly be for burying such a life-changing menu item. Some also speculate that the University of Ottawa has played a role in depriving students of the sugary beverage for so long.

The “iced cappuccino” is rumoured to be available at other Tim Hortons locations, according to one source, who asked not to be identified. The source refused to comment on the reason behind the iced capp-muzzling.

In the wake of Dormer’s discovery, the department of public relations at Tim Hortons has created a social media campaign that targets students, informing them of the new beverage coming soon to campuses across Canada.

Dormer is skeptical of the timing of the campaign launch, which came approximately 12 hours after she first tasted the “iced cappuccino.”

It’s hard to be the one to bring these issues to light,” she explained. “It makes you wonder who you can really trust—could the school really be partnering with Timmie’s to deprive us of this drink?”

Lucky for the U of O and Tim Hortons, most students are less inclined to believe the conspiracy theories, and are just content to sit back and enjoy the endless Tim Hortons line-ups on campus. Because now, at the end of them, at least there’s a shot of leaving with a coveted “iced cappuccino.”