Dear Di,
I know this isn’t technically a sex question but my roommates and I feel you’re the right person to turn to. This summer, a new guy moved into our house. We all share one shower and take turns cleaning it. Recently, the drain became clogged and we discovered the blockage was caused by some hair and something that looks like semen. We all know better than to masturbate in the shower, so that leaves us with one offender: Our relatively new roommate. How do we confront him about this? And is there a way to be 100 per cent sure it’s semen?
—Grossed out in Gloucester
Dear GG,
There certainly is a way to be sure the slimy substance is semen: Take a sample to the lab and test it. Not willing to do that, are you? Of course not. Fortunately for you and your roommates, you can solve this sticky situation without playing Nancy Drew.
You seem convinced there’s only one drain-clogging culprit, but you can’t really be sure, can you? Showers are the perfect place to fondle the family jewels: You don’t have to worry about lubricant, your privacy, cleaning up, or being overheard. Frankly, I’d be shocked if your new roomie was the only one in the house to have succumbed to the temptation of shower sausage stroking.
In the interest of keeping the peace, I suggest you refrain from pointing fingers unfairly. Call a house meeting and discuss the situation without placing blame. Although you’ve already hashed it out with the majority of the house members, play it off like you haven’t so you don’t alienate and isolate the new guy. Let everyone know it’s not cool to clean their man pipe in the shower and explain why. After you’ve made your case, laugh it off and drop it.
Try your best to tackle this issue with taste and tact. For all you know, the goopy white gunk may not even be man syrup—it could be someone’s extra rich hydrating conditioner clogging up that drain.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
Why can’t I find someone who will let me tongue their asshole and will do the same in return? Why, Di? Aren’t there any sexually adventurous people left in this city?
—You Guys are a Bunch of Prudes
Dear YGBP,
So you’ve got a kinky itch that no one will scratch. I commiserate! I have the hardest time finding someone willing to pour warm wax on my nipples. You’re not alone.
I suppose you’re having a tough time because of the taboo surrounding salad tossing. Many people stamp the words “do not enter” on their ass cheeks and refuse to give anal play a chance to prove itself. Perhaps it’s the poop factor, or maybe it’s the fear of the unknown, but backdoor loving can’t seem to catch a break. Where does that leave those who want nothing more than a little ass in and around their mouths?
I think your best bet is to ask your partner to share a sexual fantasy with you, with the promise you’ll divulge yours in return. If you react without judgment to your lover’s desires, perhaps he or she might be more willing to entertain the idea of getting up close and personal with your sphincter. Who knows? Once your partner has been eased into anal licking, he or she may decide there’s a lot of butt fun to be had!
If you and your sex buddy decide to partake in a little anilingus, be sure to protect yourselves. Even the cleanest of assholes harbour some nasty bacteria, parasites, and viruses, so use a dental dam each and every time you dine out back.
Searching for a compatible fuck friend can be frustrating, but keep the faith. I can feel it in my bones—somewhere out there is another ass-licking lover who’s looking for you, too.
Love,
Di
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