First episode teases slap fight between president and VP social

On Sunday, March 12 at 8 p.m., students at the University of Ottawa tuned in to watch the first episode of Keeping Up with the Boardashians, a new reality television show starring members of the Student Federation of the University of Ottawa (SFUO).

The SFUO executive collectively signed a deal to develop the show with MTV during an in-camera session at the Feb. 26 Board of Administration (BOA) meeting, a move that will secure each member a sweet network bonus should the show prove successful.

Following the opening credits, which featured pre-recorded clips of the main characters smiling at the camera, including vice-president of finance Richie Lachic at Le Nordik spa, the show cuts to the Senate room in Tabaret, where a motion is brought forward to raise the salaries of nearly all executive members to $69,420 a year—with an added bonus for taxi usage, of course.

The motion also calls for president Roméo Hahamakin to no longer receive any salary, following complaints by the rest of the executive at the March 5 meeting that he was unable to get along with his co-workers.

During a video confessional midway through the first episode, Hahamakin admits to the camera that, “They’re getting back at me for only walking half a lap during Relay for Life. I didn’t skip Relay on purpose. I was preparing for my birthday party that weekend. Unfortunately, no one showed up to it.” Hahamakin then wiped away a single tear from the corner of his eye.

The pay raise motion passed nearly unanimously by the board, with the exception of Hahamakin who flipped over his desk and cried, “This is an insult to my fucking character!”

Hahamakin ran out of the room just minutes later. That scene alone gave the episode a viewer rating spike and plenty of shares on social media, according to E! News.  

After a commercial break for new SFUO-brand fireworks, Faculty of Arts representative Tristan Harmonica proposed a motion for all board members to receive free U-Passes, after an article by the French student newspaper, le Carotte, revealed that vice-president social Wadi Hess had been using a free U-Pass during the year.

“It’s only fair that all board members receive a free U-Pass in this case, now that the secret is out,” Hess said during his own video confessional. “Plus, we are using Roméo’s salary to pay for these passes, so we’re really allocating our money wisely.”

Harmonica’s motion passed unanimously due to Hahamakin’s absence.

After a round of applause by the board, the camera zooms in on Harmonica. Viewers at home were on the edge of their seats awaiting an announcement.

“I would like to thank everyone who worked alongside me and supported me to pass this motion, making free U-Passes for all board members a reality!” said Harmonica. “Together and united, we can make the SFUO great again!”  

The Tomato reached out to Harmonica following the airing of the episode for a comment on when the new U-Passes would be distributed to board members.

His response to this interview request was far from cordial.

“This fact was announced during the meeting, which was filmed! The failing Tomato (FAKE NEWS!) is lazy and unprofessional in their coverage of our new show. Sad!” Harmonica responded in a tweet.

In the last five minutes of the episode, cameras turned to the doors of the U of O’s Senate room.

The doors burst open to reveal Hahamakin, who was panting heavily.

“Wadi, I just did 100 laps around the UCU to make up for only doing half a lap at Relay for Life. I want my salary back! Now!”

Footage cut to slow-motion as Hess stood up and strode over to Hahamakin, one fist clenched, the other hand wielding his free U-Pass.

Moments later the screen cut to black, with the sounds of board members yelling, “Fight! Fight! Fight!”

A preview for the next episode featured the SFUO executive arguing over the logo for their new SFUO-branded waffle. The follow-up episode of Keeping up with the Boardashians will air on Monday, March 13, as BOA meetings now take place everyday.

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