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“We’re all thrilled about the idea of a super-powered royal baby,” said David McDonald, who runs RoyalBabyFans.com. “Will and Kate really let us down last time, so I feel that genetic modification is the logical route they should be taking this time around.”

“Before all else, we took the interests and well-being of our students into consideration while discussing the renovation plans,” said Robert Builder, president of the Office of Risk Management at the U of O. “Could we have broken ground in May when most students weren’t on campus? Absolutely, but that wouldn’t have made any sense.”

When your potential employer Googles you someday, what do you want them to see: a locked-down Facebook profile with nothing but your name, or a picture of a dedicated young professional who’s active, engaged, and enthusiastic?

In a move that has shocked the world, the United States government has officially separated from Florida, effectively severing all economic, political, cultural, and even geographical ties with the country’s now former fourth-most populous state.

Over the summer months workers have been busy revitalizing the iconic Grande-Allée in front of Tabaret Hall—until work was halted in late August following a striking discovery.

Last season the Gees posted a 5-3 record that led to a squandered playoff berth with a first-round exit. Their offseason was one of change, as they lost their starting quarterback to graduation, and their star running back to the Canadian Football League draft.

When universities are forced to compete with one another, they must provide the best programming possible or risk losing the best students. The Ontario government’s movement toward specialization risks making “the best students” analogous with “the most privileged students” in narrowing the opportunities a post-secondary education is capable of providing.

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