Is peeling oranges romantic or just routine?
Dear Di,
I’m not that interested in social media — I don’t have Instagram, have never Snapchatted, and I only use TikTok every once and a while. My partner, on the other hand, is always online. She sends me hundreds of TikToks every day and whenever we see each other, she asks me if I liked every single one. A lot of the videos are these relationship trends: couples peeling oranges, wearing certain colours to prove their love, or buying special baskets for every season. My partner seems frustrated that I don’t watch all the videos she sends me but it’s so overwhelming! How do I make the TikToks stop?
Just Ticked Off
Dear J.T.O,
I hear what you’re saying – being online all the time becomes very overwhelming. With so many apps to check these days, it’s easy to tune out and not be interested in the things people send us. However, it seems like you’re not super connected with the exception of TikTok, and most of the messages you receive are from your partner. Have you tried watching some of the videos she sends?
Your partner is likely sharing these videos with you because she wants you to watch them, not to annoy you! Some of them are probably cute cats playing with boxes, or a recipe she wants to try. But if you’re seeing lots of relationship trends that’s likely a sign of some sort. Maybe she’s been feeling insecure in your relationship and is using a low-stakes medium to ask you if you’re as engaged in the relationship as she is?
That’s a big question. It’s hard to tell if you and your partner are on the same page about the state of your relationship if you don’t have a serious conversation about it. If you don’t feel confident, sitting down with your partner and talking about why these TikToks are so important to her — why not try one of the trends yourself? Bring her a peeled orange and she’ll understand you want to take care of her. Build her a fall boo basket, and plan a cozy day watching movies and drinking hot chocolate. If you’re more of a do-er than a talker, these TikTok trends give you a great opening to reaffirm how important your relationship is.
Do you feel like your needs are being met in your relationship? From the sounds of it, it seems like this digital connection is bothering you more than bolstering your communication with your partner. It might be time to get back to the basics – what about taking a love languages quiz? They might feel a little outdated or more like pop psychology than real relationship advice, but connecting with your partner over how you like to receive love might help to understand why you’re so frustrated about so much of your communication being online.
I completely understand wanting to get offline. I’ve got one more tip – why don’t you plan some dates with your partner that don’t include any screen time? Try playing board games and building a pillow fort, or painting pottery at a local studio. Spending more time offline may remind your partner that your connection is far more than just digital, and the TikToks could slow down.
At the end of the day if you don’t want to receive TikTok, delete the app. Tell your partner first though – otherwise, when you miss the next trend, it could spell bad news for your relationship.
Happy scrolling!
Di
