Dear Di,
I think I may be asexual. I have never really had any sexual feelings towards anyone before and I also don’t feel the need to masturbate, ever. I think there’s something wrong with me. Help!
—Might not be Human
Dear MNBH,
The number of times people have told me there’s something wrong with them because of a sexual fantasy or desire they’ve had is too high to count. There is never anything wrong with them, but because sex has strict social guidelines, they have no choice but to believe that what they feel is wrong.
You are no different. Just because you’re not interested in sex doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or that you aren’t human. Though the number of people who identify as truly asexual is quite low, it doesn’t change their species.
There are debates amongst researchers about whether asexuality can be deemed a real sexual orientation, but I’ve never been one to adhere to scientific research regarding sex and sexual attraction. You feel what you feel, and there’s not much science can do about it.
In regards to handling your lack of desire, don’t worry about it. There are no rules that say what asexual people can or can’t do. If you want to be in a loving relationship, you can have that without sex. If you want to be single forever and focus on other aspects of your life and self, you can do that too. The way you live and things you want in life don’t have to revolve around sex.
Focus on what you feel. Make it a point to do what feels right to you and don’t let other people, the media, or books and research tell you how you should be living your life. I know that’s a rather general suggestion, but it’s the only way you can be truly happy with your sexual choices.
So, dear MNBH, go forth through your life feeling no sexual desires and metaphorically stomp over all the people that tell you you’re wrong for it.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
My boyfriend lives at his parents’ place while I live on my own with a roommate. It wouldn’t shock you that when we have sex, it’s generally at my place. Everything is going really well and we have a great sex life. The only problem is my roommate. He gets really bothered by the smell that lingers in our apartment afterward—we get really sweaty when we bang. What are some interesting ways to keep the apartment smelling fresh and clean after an all-night fuck-fest?
—One Confused, Smelly Dude
Dear OCSD,
Sex stank got you down? Don’t worry; it’s not just you. After sex, human bodies generally leave an unpleasant odour in the air. This odour is usually attributed to sweat and any other fluids leaving the body during intercourse. It may be obvious to some, but anal sex tends to leave the worst smell—unless the participants defecate vanilla ice cream, which is highly unlikely.
There are a few tricks I’ve learned to eliminate the sex smell your roommate can’t seem to stomach.
Pick up some scented candles—they sell them cheap at Ikea and Wal-Mart—and light them during your playtime. The candles will not only help keep the stink at bay, but they’ll also add to the sensual and romantic vibe of the room.
You know that bottle of Febreze you keep under the sink in the bathroom? Now would be an opportune time to relocate it to your dresser, as you will need to use some sort of air freshener after the fact. Open a window upon completion and spray the odour eliminator a couple of hours after that. Fresh air is a must for room that’s been freshly fucked in.
Keep the cum in a contained area. It may be good fun for you to get off everywhere—including all over your partner—but while you live with your roommate, keep it to one, easily cleaned spot. Save the spunk splashing for a weekend your roomie isn’t home.
Suggest a sexy shower or bath with your partner after the fact and use scented soap to clean each other. Even though the smell will be left in the air, two sweaty bodies cuddling each other for a whole day or night doesn’t help the problem.
Students are prone to leaving laundry around for months. If you cum on the covers, wash your sheets every week—or at least every couple of weeks. Fabric holds smell and the longer you leave them, the more your sheets will reek. That goes for sex attire as well. Those pajamas you wore during last night’s foreplay will fester if you don’t wash them ASAP.
Last but not least, if you smell after sex and your roommate can’t stand it, don’t fool around in communal space. Keep the banging to your bedroom, and spare your roommate the cum-stained couch.
Love,
Di
