I’ve always been a woman of, let’s say, a diverse sexual repertoire. I love sex with extras — toys, whips, chains, rope, candle wax, etc — and sex with multiple partners, and sex swings, and, well, you get the idea. I’m adventurous. It’s never been an issue before now. I’ve started seeing a new man who’s, well, we could say a bit vanilla. But I really like him and don’t want to give up just yet. He seems somewhat open to certain things but he’s not much of a go-getter in the sack, which is kind of frustrating for someone more on the submissive yet freaky side like myself. How can I get him to open up and try new things without forcing him to be uncomfortable or freaking him out?
—Adventurous and Confused
It’s great to hear that you love so much sexperimentation and are open to expressing yourself sexually. Finding partners that match our adventurous bedtime attitudes can be extremely difficult in this world where, generally, mum’s the word about all things sex.
It’s OK to be “vanilla” or less adventurous in the sack and, unfortunately, if his mind is set on no-frills fucking you’re either going to have to deal with it or disappear. Sometimes, people who are emotionally perfect for each other date with little to no sexual chemistry. Generally these couples don’t work out long because the physical part of a relationship tends to be almost if not equally as important as the intimate side of that relationship. You may need to accept that your fella is far less freaky than yourself and weigh its importance to you before moving forward.
Judging by your description of him, your partner seems to be interested in trying out some of your crazier sexual desires. If this is the case, having an open dialogue about his comfort levels is incredibly important before banging. How far is he willing to go? Maybe he’s interested in handcuffs but not hot wax. Perhaps dildos will do the trick or maybe a little anal is what he’s after.
You can also express what you would like him to try on you. From sucking on your neck to using sextras, if he knows what you’d like to try before you do the deed he can incorporate these moves into your play without asking you while you fuck, to satisfy your more submissive side.
Once you’ve established what he is comfortable trying, the perfect way to coax out his cock and his adventurous side is to encourage naughty talk while you two knock boots. Ask him what he’s thinking, what he wants to do to you, how hard he is, how much he wants you. Being expressive about his own desires while you two are fooling around is likely to make him more open to trying risqué moves.
As always, dear AAC, communication is the key to spectacular sex and hopefully soon enough your sassy self can get sexy and submissive with your new partner.
Every once in a while when my girlfriend and I have sex, I hit something hard inside her and it really hurts her. It seems to happen in some positions more than others. It’s starting to make both of us nervous while we fuck which isn’t that sexy. What am I hitting and why, and how can I avoid it?
—Bumpin’ when I’m Humpin’
I’m by no means a doctor but it sounds like you’re hitting your lady friend’s cervix. Every girl has one as it joins the uterus and vagina and it’s perfectly normal to, on occasion, hit it during sex.
Oftentimes if you hit a girl’s cervix during penetration it’s because she isn’t aroused enough. During arousal, a woman’s uterus will raise, making room for your member. You can kind of think of it like the female boner. If she’s turned on enough, her uterus will go up. So it seems like she may need a little more pre-lovin’ before penetration. Try amping up your foreplay game. If she’s comfortable with it, go down on her before you have sex or extend the period of time you two make out before you engage.
If your partner experiences pain constantly during sex, it could be a sign of a tilted uterus or other health problems that should be looked at by a doc, especially if pain occurs during menstruation or at other times when you’re not having sex.