Dear Di,
Recently I’ve become really close with a colleague at work. However after mentioning her to my partner one too many times, she accused me of having an “emotional affair”. It feels silly to ruin a perfectly good friendship when nothing’s going on. What can I do that won’t make things super awkward at work?
—An Affair to Forget
Dear AF,
In a time when a lot of us spend most of our lives at work, it’s not surprising that you’ve gotten close to your colleague. You most likely have some similar interests, and aspirations, and can bond over dealing with Karen from accounting’s bullshit, and working late at the office. However, it’s important to keep things in perspective if you have a partner.
An emotional affair is when you have a very close intimate relationship with someone other than your significant other. There is usually a sexual element involved, whether that’s flirting over your morning coffee, or naughty fantasies when you’re dozing off.
However there’s a lot of wiggle room in what you and your partner feel is appropriate. A red flag is when you start to feel you can only talk to office bae, while becoming less close with your partner.
If you can’t understand what your partner is feeling, ask yourself if would you be bothered if they had their own work crush. Would you be jealous if they consistently had lunch with them? Texted constantly after hours? Hung out outside of work? You get the picture. Look at things from their perspective and communicate honestly and constantly.
Often times when a partner expresses jealousy or insecurity, brushing it off can make the issue snowball. Even if you know nothing is happening, make sure to take your partner’s concerns seriously. Oftentimes affairs (emotional or otherwise) are indicative of underlying problems in a relationship.
Make sure to evaluate how you’re feeling with your partner and why exactly you’ve formed such a close relationship with someone else. Who knows, maybe it’s time for something different for you, or maybe you’re just excited by someone new after years in a monogamous relationship.
There are ways of distancing yourself from your work boo without having your work environment suffer or make things too awkward. Make sure not to have too much alone time, whether that means eating your lunch with other friends or at your desk, and passing on happy hour every now and then. Social media can make it difficult to unplug from work and your co-workers in general. Avoid answering any work-related or other messages after hours.
This can be great for your work-life balance, and also keep your work bae at bay.
Love,
Di
Horny Homework: Going for gold
Don’t just watch the Olympics this year, get inspired! See if you can find some figure-skating porn to warm yourselves up. Have your partner luge while you skeleton. Or stimulate your partner for the whole length of the speed-skating heats. In the spirit of winter, take some ice cubes and run them slowly over your partner’s body. Who says turning up the heat can’t involve a little chill?
Dishing with Di: TESSA AND SCOTT FOREVER
Canadian figure skaters Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir have rocked the world at the 2018 Olympic Winter games in PyeongChang, South Korea. They ice-banged their way to our hearts in a gorgeous, sensual routine to songs from Moulin Rouge. I want to take the time to pay tribute to this insanely talented and charismatic duo for bringing home gold. In addition, I vote the Olympics should include more events that involve insanely intricate groping and thrusting. I mean why else do people watch wrestling?
