Dear Di,
During a hot hookup last week, I was being fingered when the guy I was hooking up with commented on how small my clit was. Isn’t that one of those things you simply don’t bring up? I definitely could have commented on his own size (or lack thereof) down under, but I didn’t say anything back to him. Anyway, we kept going but it ended up taking me a long time to orgasm. Do clits come in different sizes and is that going to make it harder for me to enjoy sex? Should I ask my doctor about it?
—Sizing Up the Love Button
Dear SUTLB,
Your clitoris is your business. And just like you said, a general intercourse courtesy to your partners is putting size aside. Actually, the clit is the feminine manifestation of the penis; during stimulation, it becomes engorged and is the main source of orgasm for many women.
Just like with men, there’s a great deal of variation down south. And just like your man’s member, the size of the clitoris does not relate to the pleasure you can experience from the big O. Some women will have a clitoris more than seven centimeters long, while other women’s clitorises will be mostly covered by tissue. As you become more aroused, your clitoris may become larger, and the more area your clitoris has exposed, the greater the interaction and pleasure you will feel immediately. If yours is a little more “dressed up,” it could just take a little more experimentation to get the same effect.
As for your own sexual prowess, it sounds like you’re all ship-shape down there. Your partner’s comment probably threw you for a bit of a loop, which is why it might have been harder to climax. Many women don’t even know where their clitoris is, making masturbation a tricky endeavour. A little self-exploration that experiments with different touches, strokes, pressures, and sensations will help you guide yourself—and your partner—to buried treasure.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I have been seeing this girl, and I took her home after dinner one night. She hadn’t ever been in a relationship or hooked up with many people before, so we started fooling around but taking it slow. She’s always been vocal about what she likes when we’ve made out and fooled around before. This time though, I started to go down on her and as we kept going, she started talking with a British accent—but I swear to god she’s Canadian born and raised. I thought it was kind of kinky and it turned me on even though it was out of the blue. She didn’t mention it after we finished. Should I see if it happens again or can I casually mention it to her?
—Going Down to England
Dear GDE,
Who doesn’t love a gal with the gift of gab—and an accent? In general, we often find people with accents more attractive, and as a surprise in bed it can be fairly fantasy-provoking.
It’s hard to say exactly why she changes from a Canadian cutie to a British babe in bed. If she’s still getting used to her own sexuality, the adopted accent might be her way of feeling more comfortable and sexy in bed. It might also just be her way of expressing what she likes and how she likes it. Either way, vocal cues and noises can be the source of great sexual stimulation and I encourage you both to explore it. If you (and her) are interested in spicing it up between the sheets, it could lead to some fantastic role play scenes.
As long as you two are still seeing each other, I think the best time to mention it would be hot in the moment; if it turns you on, whisper in her ear that you like her talking in tongues. It’s like hitting that erogenous zone on your body: when something clicks, you want to encourage that same behaviour or action to put your pleasure on repeat. If you give her clues that you like the way she talks in bed, it will make her feel more comfortable than discussing it over a dinner or coffee date. Over time, she might explain her alter ego in bed. The main point is that if it gets you going, keep a good thing coming.
Love,
Di
