Dear Di,
My partner and I have talked about using birth control, but I’ve heard that it can kill your libido. Is this true? If so, what are some alternative forms of contraception that won’t leave me high and dry?
-Libido Limbo
Dear LL,
Although there’s a possibility that taking birth control can affect your sex drive, it’s not that likely to happen to you.
According to a literature review that examined 8,400 women taking birth control over 33 years, only 15 per cent of those surveyed reported a decrease in their libido, while 22 per cent said it actually increased their sex drive. That left 63 per cent reporting they experienced no change whatsoever.
But if you do notice a change in your sexual desire, be sure to talk to your doctor about it. Certain brands of birth control vary in estrogen levels, so the solution to your decreased sex drive may just be a case of switching pills. But if your cravings continue to plummet, try to look at other aspects of your life that may be affecting your sex drive, such as your relationship, diet, and stress level. Stress can really hinder your desire to get down, so don’t be surprised if you’re not exactly thinking of the old hanky panky during exam season.
Of course, there are many other options besides birth control, including intrauterine devices, vaginal rings, diaphragms, and patches (among others). Be sure to talk to your doctor about these options, since he or she can give you all the benefits and risks associated with these different forms of contraception.
Make sure to get all the information before you make a decision, since some of these procedures can come with a hefty price tag.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I have a “snug fit” penis and I get super self-conscious about it. None of my partners have said anything about my member so far, but I still have to wonder about that age old question—does size actually matter?
-Snug Fit Fret
Dear SFF,
If you ask most women if size matters, many of them are likely to say “no”. Instead, the amount of pleasure they derive from intercourse is much more dependent on “how you use it” and the emotional connection you form with your partner.
A lot of men have the tendency to focus on the size and girth of their penis, and have to grapple with the fear of not satisfying their partner with it. But the truth is that most women don’t orgasm from vaginal-penile sex. In fact, clitoral stimulation is usually necessary to get women over the edge and screaming your name.
Throughout his career Alfred Kinsey, the father of sex research, found that only 1 in 5 women had ever used vaginal penetration tools when masturbating to achieve orgasm, while the vast majority had stimulated their clitoris to get their rocks off.
So, size doesn’t necessarily matter in sex. What really counts is paying attention to your partner’s needs.
For example, instead of going in “balls deep” every time, use your penis to rub against your partner’s clit, or partake in wild foreplay and lots of oral sex. Talk to your partner about what they like, or, if your partner is a bit shy in matters of the bedroom, watch their body language. For many it’s a lot easier to “show” than to say outwardly what they like, so listen to your partner’s breathing patterns and moans to clue in to what’s getting them really hot.
In the end, most women will value a partner that’s confident in their body and willing to put forth the effort to please their woman.
Love,
Di
Sex position of the week: Back it in
Have your partner sit on a chair with their knees against his chest so that his penis is out and forward. Back into your partner and allow them to enter you. This position gives you all the power. Be sure to thrust at your own speed and momentum, while your partner sits back and enjoys the show. This is great position for gay couples, but heteros can get in on the fun as well!
