Dear Di,
Between school, work, volunteering, and planning for my transition into grad school, I’ve been struggling to find time for my girlfriend. I’m exhausted from the moment I get up to the moment I go to bed. How can I stop thinking about sex as just another chore on the list?
—Needing some cum laude
Dear NSCL,
While it’s really common for students to have intense workloads like yours, we often take for granted factors like our mental health. First things first, you need to evaluate if you should cut something out from your busy schedule—whether that means breaking up with your girlfriend, or cutting back your work or volunteer hours, or lightening your course load.
First, you should evaluate whether it’s just your sex life that’s being compromised by your hectic schedule, or if it’s being felt in other parts of your relationship. Are you struggling to make time for your girlfriend entirely? If so, it may not be fair to you or your SO to continue your relationship in its current state.
If you choose to break up, don’t worry, it’s completely normal to want to focus on your personal and professional development if you feel like you can’t commit 100 per cent to a relationship. It might hurt to lose the emotional support, but it will feel better in the long run.
But if you do choose to stay in your relationship, why not inject some heat into your sex life? It can be easier than you think. First off, sex can be a great study break as it gets your blood pumping and releases tension. Instead of waiting until the end of the night when all you want is to curl up in bed, have sex earlier in the day before you get into your work for the evening.
You could also try to schedule at least weekly dates with your girlfriend where you turn off your phone and stay focused on your partner. So, even if you find it stressful to squeeze in sexy times during the week, you’ll still have some one-on-one time that you can look forward to. While it might seem a little monotonous to schedule in sex, talking with your partner about what kind of sex, with what toys, and where you want to do it, can increase the build up and make the payoff more than worth it.
If you have trouble finding time to meet up IRL you can also try sending some steamy texts to your girlfriend between (or let’s face it, during) lectures, or any other time when you have a few minutes to spare. Letting her know that you’re thinking about her during your busy routine is a simple way to keep the passion alive.
Finally, plan something big for the two of you to look forward to. It can be a vacation over winter break to a gorgeous beach destination, a cozy weekend at a ski resort, or a visit to somewhere local that she’s been dying to go. With just a little work, even the busiest bees can keep the birds-and-the-bees alive.
Love,
Di
Dishing with Di: Food for thought
The founder of Kellogg’s cereals was actually a prominent scientist in his day. However, what led Dr. John Kellogg to create cereal might have you scratching your head. Kellogg believed that hot, meat-filled breakfasts was what led to masturbation. He even went so far as to advocate circumcision for boys to stop masturbation, and conducted experiments where he burnt a woman’s clitoris with phenol. He invented cereal with his brother partly to provide a breakfast option that would supposedly decrease the urge to masturbate.
