Dear Di,
Throughout my dating history, I’ve always stuck to seeing women. However, recently I’ve found myself checking out other men and harbouring feelings of longing towards the male body. Is this just a curious phase or am I bisexual?
-The Curious Case
Dear TCC,
I believe that sexuality is fluid in nature and that we don’t need to put a concrete label on everything. If you’re starting to develop a sexual awareness of other men then, by all means, experiment away. You’re never going to get a better time to explore the full spectrum of your sexuality than during your time in university!
If you want to explore this side of yourself, try hanging out with a guy that you have the hots for and see how it goes. Pay attention to how you feel and how you react to his body language. Are you sexually attracted to this person? Can you see yourself being in a more personal relationship that involves kissing or cuddling?
If you find that it’s more than just curiosity, you can try to pursue your interests more intimately. And if you feel that label of bisexuality applies to you at this point then own it! But always remember that labels don’t encompass us as people, and how you define your own sexuality is your personal choice.
In the end, just acknowledge what your mind and body are telling you. They’re likely to lead you down the right path ;)
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
My boyfriend enjoys watching porn and, while I know this makes me sound like an insecure wreck, it honestly makes me feel like I’m not enough. I know a lot of girlfriends are fine with it, so I’m wondering if I should try to be more understanding or if I’m crossing the line by telling him to stop?
-Porno No No
Dear PNN,
We live in a society where many parents still find it uncomfortable to discuss sex with their children and sex education was (up until very recently) very restrictive in schools. So, in this respect, porn has historically served to educate youth in the art of love making and (for some) has triggered their own sexual awakening.
While the sex depicted in most pornography has no semblance of what one should expect in real life, it still provides an introduction to basic positions and concepts that could prove useful in future steamy endeavours.
On the practical side of things, asking your man to cut out porn entirely is a pretty tall order.
With porn being so widely available thanks to the Internet, it’s difficult to find a male (or female) who hasn’t indulged in the occasional naughty web video. Single men on average watch 40 minutes of porn three times a week, while men who are in a relationship watch porn on average 1.7 times a week for 20 minutes. So, statistically speaking, your partner has probably already reduced his porn-viewing habit since he started going steady with you.
Plus, it’s difficult to ask someone to stop with a routine that, according to a Université de Montréal study on porn usage, develops around the age of 10.
However, if this fact still makes you feel uncomfortable, you can always try discussing these feelings with your partner and establish some ground rules. If he causally makes jokes about his saucy search history, you can ask him to stop. If his virtual voyeuristic viewing habit is eating up time that he would otherwise be spending with you, then you can ask him to shift around his schedule.
Also, jealousy shouldn’t be a factor in how you decide to handle things. Some women feel betrayed that their partner watches porn, but, as many men explain it, it has nothing to do with finding their partner less attractive. After all, masturbating is an excellent form of relieving stress and appreciating your body. For a lot of guys (and women too) porn is simply a means to an end, nothing more.
At the end of the day, porn is nothing to be afraid of and it’s definitely possible to peacefully co-exist with it under your roof.
Love,
Di
Sex position of the week: the Wheelbarrow
Had a rough week? Use this position to plow away all that stress. Ladies, get on all fours and have your man pick you up by the pelvis. Grip your man’s waist tightly with your thighs. Not only will you get deep penetration, but you’ll get an amazing arm workout in the process!
