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Nobody puts this wig in a corner

Sofia Hashi | Fulcrum Staff

In what could only be described as a media circus, Beyoncé’s weave finally spoke out at a press conference held in Los Angeles this past Thursday. With media giants like CNN, TMZ, and the Fulcrum present, the weave, choosing to go by the pseudonym Blondie, gave its account of its split with the famous singer.

“It wasn’t mutual,” said Blondie. “One day, I was happily sitting on Bey’s head and the next I’m in the trash, abandoned and all alone.”

“At first, I held out hope. I thought, ‘Surely Beyoncé needs a fabulous weave and I’m pretty fabulous, so she’ll definitely come back.’ But she didn’t, and now I’m seeking compensation,” the weave continued.

After being placed all the way to the left (to the left), Blondie is currently looking for reparation of damages totalling $1.2 million.

According to self-proclaimed hair-care guru Ben Maves, wigs and weaves go through a lot of abuse, and Blondie’s case isn’t the exception—it’s the rule.

“It’s absolutely devastating what happens to synthetic hair nowadays,” said Maves. “They’re pulled and pushed in every way, not to mention the extensive heat damage they all suffer. Where’s their justice? Where?”

Maves has set up a foundation named Dare to be Hair for all the forgotten extensions, weaves, and wigs of the world, and he believes legal action may be the best route.

“For the world to realize what an injustice is being done, there needs to be media attention. I applaud Blondie in being brave and coming out with such a heartbreaking story. She’s doing more good than harm, and hopefully the courts see this,” he said.

However, there are some people who disagree. Fans have flooded to the Grammy winner’s defence.

“Blondie is a liar, or a beautiful liar as Beyoncé would say,” stated Jessica Arber, a self-proclaimed Beyoncé superfan. “Ms. Knowles is just amazing. We love her, and her real fans know that this is just some sick ploy to give her bad press—but it’s not working.”

Arber isn’t alone. Others have started speculating that the same people doubting the legitimacy of Beyoncé’s pregnancy are the same ones behind this weave debacle.

“This is just like when everyone believed Beyoncé wasn’t pregnant. Everyone just jumped on that bandwagon and poor Beyoncé had to make a documentary proving otherwise,” said Stacy Hall, a longtime fan of the singer.

A documentary just may be in the works for Beyoncé. The superstar has been spotted walking around with a camera crew, and reports have leaked about her new weave speaking out in the documentary.

“Ombré [the new weave] is totally upset with all the negative attention on it. It’s asked Beyoncé to make a short film showing its side of the story, and Beyoncé agreed,” said a source close to the singer in an interview with TMZ.

As for Blondie, this whole ordeal is far from over. When asked what she thought of the new weave, Blondie had a lot to say.

“Ombré will soon know what it’s like to be left out in the cold. I’ve heard from various sources that it thinks it won’t be dumped. Well my advice is, ‘Think again!’” said Blondie.

“Just because you’ve got an accent aigu on your name like Beyoncé doesn’t mean she won’t leave you too.”