The Tomato

Construction workers happy with announcement. Photo: CC, Jonny Goldstein via Flickr.
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New plan met with confusion, outrage, and a little bit of sadness

A press release from U of O’s facilities has revealed that, for the first time in the university’s history, there will be no construction for a year. This revolutionary new idea comes as a shock to many students, who have grown accustomed to service interruptions, construction noises, and using that other entrance at Tabaret.

The press release states, “We know this may come as shock to members of the community, but the University of Ottawa has decided that refraining from construction for a full year is the only way to achieve our primary objective of not spending money—we mean, meeting the student’s needs.”

“We kind of went crazy with spending these past three or four buildings, so we’re just going to take a quick break.”

The Tomato spoke with several students to see how this announcement will affect their student experience.

“It’s going to suck not being woken up to the sound of heavy machinery right outside my window,” claims Roberta Pebble, a second-floor resident of 90 University. “There’s really nothing like the sound of tons of gravel being poured on LRT track. I’ve grown to like it, I guess I’ll have to buy an alarm clock now.”

“Wait, so they’re going to just leave the sixth floor of CRX unfinished?” asks Jonah Alexander, the founder of U of O’s conspiracy club. “I have a new club idea.”

“So you’re telling me I’m going to be able to get to class on time without being delayed?” asks part-time professor Julian Dozy. “This is insane, preposterous. Do you know how many seminars I missed due to cement trucks? I missed three final exams last semester because I was stuck behind dump trucks. Now I’m not going to be able to use construction as a viable excuse!”

Construction on the new STEM building has been underway for so long that many students have reported that it’s become a fixture of their day-to-day lives.

“They started planning STEM when I first got here in ‘16, or was it ‘06? I can’t seem to remember, when was the Vancouver Olympics?” asks custodian Martha Maywell. “It’s weird to think there won’t be an entirely new building to learn the layout of next year. Kind of boring.”

“I always love getting stuck behind construction workers in the line for Tim Horton’s,” claims Andrea Chatty. “It’s the only social interaction I get all week.”

“I’m actually really happy with this announcement,” claims Robin Nest. “I’ve started fostering this possum family in the closed Brooks residence, and this just means they get to stay in their home for a little while longer. With any luck, the university will just forget that it’s there.”

The university’s plan of not building anything for a year is revolutionary, and a first for the campus.