Vandals come forward with their true intentions
The University of Ottawa administration was shocked to learn that the inspirational quotes donning the walls of the recent Learning Crossroads building were actually an act of ironic vandalism, and not, in fact, the wall-art that they thought they had commissioned.
The news broke after the Fulcrum published a story about the so called ‘wall-art,’ confusing the vandals, who actually made their mark on the walls. The Tomato has since learned from the ambiguously named alumni Adam, and Matt, originators of the wall scribbles, that it was never their intention to have their quotes taken seriously.
‘“No matter what, you are one of us,’ was actually a jab at the university, meant to address the sheeple culture that plagues academic institutions,” Matt explained. “I figured they would just paint over it. But you know the U of O, always defying the conventional.”
The administration claims they believed the wall quotes were meant to show students that they are supported and that their mental health matters, which left many students wondering why they didn’t just invest in better mental health services.
“This misunderstanding could have been avoided if the university just had better ideas,” said Graham Mendes, a third-year psychology student.
Other students disagree.
“Why spend your money caring for students by improving services when you can use it to flex your commitment to caring for students instead?” Yalex Maris, a second-year English major quipped. “I think it’s a great idea. In fact, they should add something like this to the waiting area in SASS so students feel like they have something to live for while waiting for their appointment that will never arrive.”
The university administration has yet to respond to students’ comments, but have said that the Ottawa police are looking into the vandals.
At the time of publication, the Tomato confirmed that Matt had fled the country, while the whereabouts of Adam are still unknown.
When reached for comment, the Ottawa police said they had better things to do than to chase down a couple of petty criminals, like creating initiatives to fight sketchiness in the downtown core.
“This just isn’t a priority for us, and probably never will be,” Adam Mada, head of media relations at the Ottawa police, and recent U of O grad told the Tomato in a phone interview.
The university also announced they that they are exploring new and accessible mental health initiatives on campus, like an art show in Hagan. Tickets will be sold for $100 to the public, with a student rate of $150. “These services will benefit students, so it only makes sense that they should pay for them,” explained Jacques Fremont, while working on a new meme for the Beloved SFUO Overlords Facebook page.
Money raised from the event will go towards recommissioning the Learning Crossroads wall.
Correction: This article has been updated to reflect that Maris’ comments were not in fact sarcasm, as the Tomato initially believed.