The Tomato

The SFUO recently unveiled its groundbreaking “app.” Photo: Matthew Zucca.
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New mobile application features buttons, pictures, and doohickeys

“Hold on to you to your creaky, uncomfortable Alumni Auditorium seats, because I’m about to blow your freakin’ minds,” said Omeo Rahimakin, president of the Student Federation of the University of Ottawa (SFUO).

Rahimakin, dressed in faded jeans and a black turtleneck, then whipped out an iPad. “Do you see this beautiful piece of innovation?” he asked. “No, not the iPad. The app that’s on it.”

This, Rahimakin explained over wild applause, was the SFUO’s new app—and it’s “a big freakin’ deal.”

“This app is state of the art technology,” he said. “It has buttons, pictures, and at least three doohickeys.”

Rahimakin said this new app is a statement about how the SFUO is embracing technology.

“Technology is the way forward,” he said. “Unless you’re talking about online voting. In that case, technology is vulnerable and useless and you should all be afraid of it.”

Crancesco Faruso, SFUO vice-president communications, jumped in to add that the app is an example of the SFUO’s innovation and creativity.

“I expect that big companies like Apple will be releasing similar technology soon,” said Faruso. “We really feel like we’re setting the pace here.”

Rahimakin then began to describe the app’s features, saying there’s something in the app for everybody.

“There is also an up-to-date list of all the vibrant clubs on campus,” he said. “This way, we can keep track of all the clubs we’re not funding.”

So far the app has received positive reviews from students.

“It didn’t explode in my face when I opened it,” said Rusty Thomas, a third-year health sciences student. “So it beat expectations from the get-go.”

Rahimakin also said that the app could help lower times for students in U-Pass lines. “I’m pretty sure there are still students stuck in that thing, so this should help.”

“Students can even watch a GIF of fireworks going off,” he said. “So I think we can put that whole, ‘SFUO doesn’t use fireworks’ controversy to bed now.”

Some students using the app noted that it had previously allowed students to post comments and feedback on the SFUO, but that the feature was mysteriously disabled five minutes later.

“It only took us a couple years to finish this project, which is a lot faster than people expected,” said Rahimakin. “Yet again, this is a perfect example of how efficient the SFUO really is.”

A member of the audience then asked Rahimakin how much the app cost to develop. “The app came in under budget,” was his response. When it looked like the audience member was gearing up for a follow-up question, Rahimakin turned around and sprinted out the door.