Students from all faculties duke it out in the university’s new green space
This year’s 101 Week had a “Together, Ensemble,” theme that was meant to bring new students together. While the week started out as a positive experience, tempers started to build throughout the week, culminating in an all-out battle royale as students broke into factions along faculty lines.
“At first it was nice to hang with people from other faculties, but then they started to get on my nerves,” said Robert Churchill, a first-year arts student. “I mean, Telflix? That doesn’t make any sense?”
In response to back and forth insults about t-shirt quality and inter-rez rivalries in full swing—especially Stanton versus 90u—first-year students began arming themselves with textbooks, full water bottles, and food from the university’s dining hall.
“The all-you-can-eat nature of the cafeteria really worked to our advantage,” said Albert Robinson, a first-year sociology student, as he stuffed a helping of meatballs into his jacket pockets.
As the fighting intensified, an unidentified member of the SFUO executive could be found across campus yelling “Can’t we all just get along?” and “Won’t somebody please think of the children?”
After searching campus for a nice open space to have an uninterrupted brawl, the students settled on the university’s new green space in front of FSS.
“It was awfully kind of the university to build this arena for us,” said Timothy Morris, a first-year communications student and honorary 101 Week gladiator.
Some faculties took preparations more seriously than others. The engineers dyed themselves purple to intimidate their foes, while the history students opted to read up on tactics used at past 101 Week skirmishes.
As members of all the faculties jumped into the fight Anchorman-style, the situation devolved into chaos, with textbooks ripping, pies flying, and several students actually slipping on banana peels.
Although there were some minor injuries sustained throughout the battle, medicine and the nursing students were there to tend to the wounded.
“Thanks to the brawI I got some much-needed real life experience,” said Nathan Wise, a medical student. “That’s definitely going on my resume.”
As the battle raged on, students enrolled in the U of O’s conflict studies program sat off to the side, taking notes and brainstorming how to solve the crisis.
“The whole situation was unexpected to say the least, but it kept people entertained,” said SFUO vice-president communications Crancesco Faruso. “We knew we had no budget to plan 101 Week, so I’m happy that the students could entertain themselves.”
Hailing the event as a triumph, media representatives from the U of O are already planning a battle royale for next Frosh Week, saying that student engagement is up a whopping 45 per cent.
“There is certainly a lively student population here at the U of O,” said Fraques Jemont, the university’s new president. “It’s exciting to see so much school spirit. I may join in myself next year!”