The Tomato

The U of O is unveiling its new political handshake program after Trudeau's recent encounter with Trump. Photo: CC, Office of the President of the United States.
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New course gets the green light after infamous Trump-Trudeau encounter

In the wake of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s epic handshake battle with U.S. President Donald Trump in mid February, the University of Ottawa has decided to add a mandatory class for all political science students.  

The history of the handshake dates back to the Roman Empire, when Maximus shook hands with Quintus in battle before he became a gladiator.

For those of who you who aren’t familiar with this maneuver, a handshake is a basic ritual whereby two or more people join hands, followed by a relatively brief round of up and down movements.

At the U of O, diplomatic handshaking 101 has been in the works for years, but never managed to drum up enough interest on campus—until now. In the wake of the Trudeau-Trump handshake summit of 2017, students from all over the country are suddenly applying to the U of O in the hopes of being amongst the first to learn about this once taboo topic.

“We learn so much about being diplomatic through language, but I always felt there was something missing,” declared political science student Didier Cranberry. “Now we can study something actually useful for a change.”

Starting this fall, students will learn all about the history of famous handshakes, how they are used in various countries, and the art of germ spreading.

Naturally, there will be a practical element to the course whereby students must master the art of the “Trudeau handshake” before being eligible to pass.

The first batch of graduates will be sent on various humanitarian trips around the world to raise awareness of Canada’s not-so-secret diplomatic weapon.

“A handshake reveals so much about our personality, strength, and political stance,” claims political science professor Scott Summers, who is the braintrust behind this new course. “These are very exciting times in the world of political science.”

The university is trying to keep up with the huge demand of students already showing interest in the unique course. There is also a rumour that Trudeau may take time out from his busy schedule to allow for handshake selfies with first-year students.

“I’m so excited to learn everything about this important issue. I haven’t been able to find a job for nearly three years and now I understand why,” mentioned  Colleen McCafferty, a third-year political science student.

Handshaking is an extremely important part of modern-day society. Countries with leaders unable to deliver a proper handshake have watched their economies plummet to unforeseen levels.

On the other side of the coin, America’s economy is flourishing thanks to ultra-aggressive handshaking by their current president.
Luckily, Canada is fortunate enough to have a leader who knows how to keep just the right amount of pressure so that our economy never changes.