The Tomato

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Photo: scottmontreal, CC, Hoverboard photo: LoveBoat, CC, wikimedia commons. Edits: Marta Kierkus.

As the year continues to unfold, students at the University of Ottawa are growing increasingly impatient with the lack of futuristic whimsy in their lives.

Student morale is at an all-time low, with many students not bothering to attend class.

“During this semester we’ve seen a radical spike in students seeking prescription anti-depressants,” said Doctor Hope Thompson, head physician at the U of O’s walk-in-clinic.

“When we asked these students about the cause of their depression, most of them just mutter two words: ‘hover boards.’”

Much of this discontent can be traced back to the 1989 sci-fi comedy Back to the Future Part II, which—for many students—prophesized the emergence of fantastical devices and trends in the year 2015.

“I can understand the lack of flying cars and hover boards. That technology is still in its testing stages,” said engineering student Sarah Lloyd. “But the fact that we still don’t have small dehydrated pizzas available in grocery stores is completely unacceptable.”

Other students have decided to be more active in the wake of this widespread disappointment. Political science major Geoffrey Wilson has even set up a Kickstarter campaign to get the ball rolling on the various Jaws sequels that were hinted at in Robert Zemeckis’ film.

“I know it’s a tall order, since we need to essentially crowd fund, produce, and theatrically release 15 killer shark movies inside of 10 months,” states Wilson on his Kickstarter page. “But if we don’t see Jaws 19 by the end of 2015, I’m afraid we’ll create a time paradox which will unravel the space-time continuum and destroy the entire universe.”

This sense of overwhelming disillusionment has even affected members of the school’s administration, some of whom remember seeing Back to the Future Part II when it originally came out in theatres.

“That movie promised me a lot when I was a kid,” said François Tolkan, dean of the Telfer School of Management.

“I grew up thinking that fax machines were going to be making a comeback this year. Now I have a garage full of outdated technology, and no one’s buying from me except affluent hipsters.”

However, some students are remaining optimistic, since the future world the film promised still doesn’t officially come to fruition until Oct. 21 of this year.

“We already have self-lacing running shoes on the market, so that’s a start,” said human kinetics student Richard Fox. “Plus, the movie’s time frame still gives the Chicago Cubs an opportunity to fulfill their destiny and finally bring home the World Series, which gives me hope.”