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Dear Di,

My new partner has really been getting into our sex lately. She moans, sighs, and sometimes screams very loudly. There have also been many occasions when she talked dirty to a point where it turned me right off and I started to get soft. I don’t really know what to do at this point. I don’t want her to not express herself in the bedroom but I also want to enjoy my time fucking her, which just isn’t happening with all this noise.


—Scared to Tell Her She’s a Yeller

Dear STTHSAY,

Congratulations! Your partner seems to really enjoy the sexperience you’ve been giving her. But obviously you’re less than satisfied with her sex shrieks.

Everyone has different ways of expressing themselves during play time and I do understand the conundrum in which you’ve found yourself. On one hand, you want your lady friend to have the best fucking time possible. On the other, you need to be able to enjoy your experience as well.

Though you may feel like you’ll be stifling her sexpression by talking about your situation, the only way your member will be able to get up and stay up is if you bring up the issue at hand. During a discussion about your sexy times, say you’ve noticed she’s loud in bed. Ask her if she’s always enjoyed loud sex and what she likes about it specifically. If you can determine what she likes about being loud in bed, you will be able to come to a suitable compromise for every sexual encounter you have.

She could be an auditory sexer, or someone who gets really turned on by the sounds during sex. If this is the case, suggest playing some porn flicks in the background of your sexing. You can also decide what kind of dirty talk you’ll engage in before you start your playtime. Role-play can be a lot of fun and can incorporate dirty discussions you will both be comfortable with.

You don’t have to be scared to tell ‘er she’s a yeller, you just have to make sure you discuss it carefully and non-offensively.

Love,
Di

Dear Di,

Okay, is it normal to love farts so much I want my partner to let one rip every time I make out with him? I love the sound, I love the feeling, and usually, I even love the smell. Farting while I’m penetrating my man is the ultimate great feeling, especially when I’m close. I know this must sound insane and I feel gross that I feel this way. Is this normal? And more importantly, how can I find someone who’s okay with it?


—The Ass Cannon

Dear Ass Cannon,

Though eproctophilia—a fart fetish—isn’t necessarily normal, it’s definitely not new and not unusual. Eproctophiles, which it sounds and probably smells like you are, think about farts very frequently, and often have recurring sexual fantasies that include flatulence.

In some cases—maybe yours or maybe not—eproctophilia is associated with a fetish for different smells. If you find yourself turned on by different scents, that could be the reason you’re so attracted to farting fellas. Or you could just really love farts, and why not? They do feel fantastic.

I’ll warn you now though: not many people are going to be into your tooting. Unfortunately, the stigmas around farts are negative and it’ll be difficult to find people who are supportive of your butt rumbles. Fucking and farting are two actions that aren’t generally highly regarded together, but there may be some hope for you yet.

If you sit down with your partners before you have at it and mention that it feels great to fart and fuck, you may encounter some freaky people who are at least interested in giving it a try. Explain why you go for the gas and you might be pleasantly surprised by the amount of people who get turned on by your honesty.

You also have to be respectful of your partner’s limits. Many people will find your poot-pooting to be a little too pungent for their liking and you have to accept that. Either forget the farting while doing it with your partner or get a new partner. Never try to force your friends to fall in love with farts, dear Ass Cannon, or you may end up in a very stinky situation.


Love,
Di