Dear Di,
I’ve never understood the hype about giving head, and despite the fact my new partner is more than happy to return the favour, I still don’t fully share his enthusiasm for it. I haven’t had the heart to tell him that going down just isn’t my go-to activity for getting in the mood. Is it possible for me to start liking giving blow jobs more? Or will my indifference to head ruin the relationship?
No Go For the Blow
Dear NGFTB,
Relationships are always about compromise, but if blow jobs are a real turn off for you then don’t do it! Your partner should never force you into doing something in bed that makes you uncomfortable or dries you right up.
Make sure to have this conversation and discuss other things you’re willing to try that will satisfy both you and your partner. Your relationship is certainly not doomed; blow jobs are not a requirement for good sex or good relationships. You can still get raunchy in the bedroom with other forms of foreplay.
On the other hand, if blow jobs are something that you don’t exactly hate but doesn’t exactly get you hot either, would it be terrible to go down every so often for your partner? Sex columnist Dan Savage preaches the three Gs of good sex: Be good, giving, and game. Your partner will surely appreciate the effort. Some women don’t particularly enjoy the act of giving head but they do enjoy their partner’s response of pleasure, which can be exhilarating.
You have to admit, it’s pretty empowering to have a man by his balls. Literally.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
Do female orgasms even exist? I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now and nothing. Is it me? I’ve talked to my friends about it and none of them have had one either! Is the problem that men don’t know how to satisfy women, or that women don’t know what puts them over the edge?
Can’t see it Cummin’
Dear CSIC,
Ah, the age old mystery of the elusive female orgasm. Unfortunately, men can’t read our minds, so they do need a little guidance every once in a while. Far too often women falsely let their partners believe they’ve had an orgasm, which leads men to believe they are doing an A+ job at satisfying you, when they aren’t even making the grade.
I can assure you orgasms do exist, and they will revolutionize your sex life! Not only will you feel closer and more comfortable with your partner, but you’ll be a heck of a lot more satisfied after sex. This isn’t to say an orgasm is the most important component of sex. Orgasms shouldn’t be just the conclusion to the act—they should be a part of the experience.
A lot of women are afraid to unleash their inner sex goddess, fearing that they’ll no longer be seen as the “nice girl” that a “nice guy” would want to bring home to his parents. My suggestion: go down south, spend some time with yourself, and figure out what gets you hot. When you’re in bed with your partner, try going on top and rotating your pelvis in circles. It’ll give you more control and it’ll give your clitoris some much needed love, not to mention it’ll drive your man mad.
So forget the social stigma, communicate with your partner and show him what he needs to do!
Love,
Di
Sex Tips for the Summer
-Sleep naked this summer—even if you’re flying solo. It’s a great way to connect with your body and wake up feeling sexy. Plus, it’s hot out and so are you—ditch the PJs and get familiar with your birthday suit.
-Plan a spontaneous trip with your partner. Summer is a perfect time to get your freak on in different cities and in different hotel rooms.
-For those who are willing to adventure outside the bedroom, try having sex outdoors under the stars. The fear of being caught will certainly add to the excitement, and leave you both feeling wild and dangerous.
