Dear Di

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The smell of desperation: myth or reality?

Dear Di,

I recently jumped back into the dating pool after a break-up. I’ve had a lot of initial success with folks who seem great at first, but it never seems to go anywhere for a number of different reasons. I’ve been told by friends I trust that my “creep radar” needs some tuning. Am I too trusting and do I need to be more discerning? In the most unflattering terms: am I desperate?


Sam Selfer

Dear S.S.

Getting back into dating comes with a separate set of challenges for us all. Some might be overly discerning, while others might be happy to try as many new apps, bars, or social outings as possible to get themselves back in the game. Our approaches to dating post-break-up is usually connected to how that break-up went.

If your friends are raising concerns about who you are choosing to spend your time with and you aren’t feeling emotionally fulfilled by hookups/flings, I would advise that you consider what type of relationship you could be open to.

Putting yourself out there does not make you desperate. Being more selective about who you spend your time with will come as you learn more about what energies you feed off of and enjoy contributing to.

You may not be running in circles of people looking for the same level of commitment as you. This could be attributed to many factors, but focus on yourself. What makes you happy as an individual? Do you know anyone that shares those interests, or is there a group around those interests that you could take part in?

Relationships function best when those that are in them have worked on themselves as individuals. Take this time to learn about yourself, and what you expect from those in your life.