Dear Di,
Every time I get hammered with my friend, we make out. What’s this all about? I’m definitely not gay, and both of us have girlfriends whom we live with. Why can’t we just kiss without societal judgment? Fuck the patriarchy. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated.
—I kissed a boy and I liked it
Dear KBLI,
Fuck the patriarchy is right. The best thing you can do right now is to try and unpack what’s going on. Have you talked to your friend to see what he’s feeling about your impromptu makeout sessions? Does it feel sexual or romantic? I would also recommend talking to a counsellor or therapist who would be more adept at discussing what’s going on.
I want to touch on the point of your sexuality. Have you ever thought you could be bisexual, or sexually fluid? Just because you’ve kissed your male friend, that doesn’t invalidate your relationship with your girlfriend and vice versa. More and more research is coming out everyday pointing to the fluidity and complexity of sexuality, so don’t feel too bogged down by binary categories of gay and straight!
In fact, research on the sexuality spectrum goes back to 1948 with the pioneering work of Alfred Kinsey, an American biologist and sexologist. Since then, different sexual identities from bisexual to pansexual to asexual have begun to enter the mainstream lexicon.
It’s also important to consider how your girlfriend might feel about this. Since making out with your friend has happened multiple times, you should definitely talk to her about it. She might be hurt or angry to hear about it, but it may also bring you guys together in the long run. If you’re feeling adventurous, and your girlfriend is comfortable with it, you could even try a threesome with another man.
Sexuality can be tricky, so the only foolproof advice I can offer is to be honest and to communicate with your girlfriend and friend.
Love,
Di
Horny Homework: Tongue Tied
Your mouth can get you into a lot of trouble, but it can also get you into some fun! Have your partner lie on their stomach, and give them a nice talking to! Kiss their neck, suck on their fingers, working your way (very) slowly down. Lick their inner thighs and then finally flip them over to finish off the job. To make things more fun, challenge your partner to see if they can do you any better.
Dishing with Di: #WCW Hedy Lamarr
The Austrian actress Hedy Lamarr was one for the history books. Lamarr became known early in her career as the Ecstasy lady for her starring role in the controversial Ecstasy. The film became known as one of the first (if not first) movie to show a woman orgasming on screen. In addition to showing close ups of Lamarr’s face as she gets some, it also had several nude scenes. Afterwards she escaped a marriage with an older arms dealer with ties to Mussolini, moving to Paris and then the United States. Lamarr had trouble getting work at first because of the sexually explicit nature of Ecstasy (madonna-whore complex, anyone?). However she later starred in popular movies such as Algiers. If Hedy wasn’t cool enough already, she became determined to help Allied forces in World War II, and did so by trying to invent a frequency-hopping signal for torpedoes so they couldn’t be tracked or jammed. While the U.S. government never adopted her technology, it did become important in developing technologies such as GPS, Bluetooth, and Wifi.
