Calvin Bidley has been suspended by intramurals commissioner Roger Baddell for gambling on his own team’s games. Bidley alleges he bet against his team and then threw the games to make beer money.
satire
A professor is facing intense backlash after failing to provide students with their midterms in a timely manner.
The city is now employing raccoon services to help prevent shutdowns with the O-Train.
“uOttawa is not doing a decent enough job with their construction projects falling on important academic events”
I’m a multi-tasker and I’m not just talking about having a record on each hand, if y’know what I’m saying.
A campus group is apologizing for what they call an “oversight on the importance of hydration” after hosting a dry homecoming party.
Members of the Rideau Neighbourhood Rat Association feel left behind in the province’s reopening plan
“I mean, I’ve been studying environmental science for almost three years now, and I’ve never come across anything that suggested the possibility of ‘warm weather’ in this city. Maybe I’d be inclined to believe them if this were somewhere like Toronto, but everyone knows that Ottawa just doesn’t have a spring.”
Another student has died by suicide at the University of __________, reports student newspaper, The _________.
“(Looking back at) my first time … (my biggest) regret was not speaking. I thought that all (kinds of) bad things would happen to me—and then the second time that I did it, I found that if you put yourself out there … you’ll get good feedback from it.”
Strange Globe and Mail article becomes a template for political marketing machine.
To help clear things up, the Tomato managed to get an interview with Trudeau. Suspiciously, the prime minister declined to make any comment, movement, or even blink.
“Okay sure, their articles about spying microwaves and political handshake courses were on point, but what they wrote about people tampering with the SFUO election? Ridiculous!”
New entry in SFUO based reality series showcases students wielding pitchforks and torches at GA.
“While most institutions see the negative side of everything, we as a university embrace our flaws.”
First episode teases slap fight between president and VP social.
“Having students from all over the world means more diversity of thought, cultural exchange, and higher tuition f—I mean academic rigour.”—Jacques Frémont
“If it turns out that the guy who sells hot dogs out of a cart isn’t legit, I really won’t know who to trust anymore.”
“I’m so excited to learn everything about this important issue. I haven’t been able to find a job for nearly three years and now I understand why.”—Colleen McCafferty, third-year political science student.
After the 53rd recount, it dawned on election officials that while many ballots had been submitted, none of them had any names marked down. One ballot did have the words “Bernie for prez!” scrawled on it, but it was marked as spoiled.
The head of the Weather Network, Mateo Rologist, could not be reached for comment. Sources say he’s been rocking slowly back and forth for the past week whispering “they’ve broken it.”
“It’s not everyday that a rich, handsome actor with millions of worldwide fans gets the recognition he deserves.”—Cheryl Boone Isaacs, Academy president.
With the debate over electoral reform still raging, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau—henceforth retitled “Glorious and Eternal Leader of Canada”—quietly passed legislation on Monday, ending all subsequent elections.
“Statistically, a huge number of violent deaths in the U.S. are caused by white males, and if there’s one thing this administration lives by it’s facts and figures.”—Sean Spicer, White House press secretary.
“This is way cooler than what I learned in high school. I loved the part where Sir John A. MacDonald fought off four dragons using only a rusty blunderbuss and a 60-year-old bottle of scotch.”—Sheryl Watts, a first-year alternative Canadian history major.
