The Tomato

Photo: Rame Abdulkader.

Bless their little hearts

Returning students at the University of Ottawa have a misguided and dangerously optimistic understanding of just how easy their second year will be.

Second-year accounting student Lottie Harris claims it’s smooth sailing from here. “They say first year is the hardest, so that must mean second year is the easiest, right?” Soon after being interviewed, it was revealed the summer subletters of Lottie’s apartment on Nelson chipped all her plates and stole all her Tupperware.  

While Lottie’s optimism may seem mild to some, the Tomato found many severe cases of misguided hope in the U of O library.

“I had a really bad approach to studying last year, the problem being that I never did it. But this year I swear I’m going to be here everyday, doing my readings and rewriting my notes,” declared second-year engineering student Thomas LaMarche. When the Tomato returned to his library desk ten minutes later for further comment, Thomas was getting ready to leave for Father and Sons with friends. “I’m just going to have one beer.” he claimed.

Another student with high hopes for their academic life is Lisa Poltra, a second-year Telfer business student who didn’t show up to half of her classes last year and is now on academic probation. “I’m going to turn this around, I just need to get 95% in all my classes to stay in my program. I’m going to go to all of my professors’ office hours, and bring them coffee. We’re going to be best friends.”

Other students have blind optimism about their living situations, with second-year student Georgia Stephenson claiming living with her best friend and his boyfriend won’t put a strain on their relationship whatsoever.

“It’ll totally be fine, we’ll see each other all the time, and we’ll still go out clubbing just like we used to,” she continued “And he totally won’t leave dishes ‘soaking’ in the sink overnight, or leave the toilet seat up. It’s chill.”

Alejandra Castillo claims she’s going to start eating healthy this year, now that she doesn’t have a meal plan. “I hated the food they had in the dining hall, now that I have my own place and access to a kitchen, I can start making some good gourmet food. Wait, avocados are how much?”

One student is even optimistic about his fitness goals. Martin Poitras, a second-year ESL student claims he’s going to go to the gym more. “Gym membership is included in the tuition, but I never got to use it last year. Classes were too hard, and I didn’t know where everything was,” he explained. “This year, it’ll be different. I’m going to start lifting weights and hitting the gym everyday.”

Whatever their hopes and dreams may be (and however outrageous they are), the Tomato wishes every student a successful school year.