CFS mastermind behind failed music festival, SFUO, RSU acting coordinators
Fyre Festival, the failed “luxury music festival” was such a disaster, it could give student unions a run for their money. And it did, causing the secret coordinators of the festival to flee back to their respective universities.
An independent investigation spurred by recent releases of Fyre Festival documentaries, has revealed that student unions were behind the whole thing. Samantha Odd and Angel Shawarma, the lead investigators, held a press conference earlier this week.
“It all makes sense,” claims Shawarma. “Only a student union could reach that level of catastrophic proportions.”
It seems the Canadian Federation of Students (CFS) was behind the failed festival, which was set to take place in 2017. It had been a ploy to ramp up approval for student unions—little did they know the chain reaction of scandals this singular event would set off.
“According to our investigation, Billy McFarland and Ja Rule were the fall-guys, there were more sinister officials behind it all,” adds Odd. Although she hesitated to name anyone specific, the Tomato learned that the Student Federation of the University of Ottawa (SFUO) and Ryerson Students’ Union (RSU), with their respective histories of financial mismanagement, were acting coordinators.
Following their first failed international festival, the SFUO executive fled back to Canada and began to plan another festival. They called it FEDStock—and they had a vision.
The Tomato reached out to a former executive member that helped plan both Fyre Festival and FEDstock. Due to the impending investigation and referendum, she wishes to remain anonymous.
“We really wanted to recapture that same vibe from Fyre Festival. Of just mass panic and uncertainty. A little dash of danger, even. We wanted to bring the festival energy right to campus.”
“If I’m being honest, I don’t think we went far enough. We were even planning on using those fireworks, but never got around to it.”
They invited French Montana, who our source says lived up to the expectations they had for him. His performance was brief, fraught with technical difficulties, and admission requirements were fuzzy. Just as planned.
Our source also confirmed RSU’s involvement in the planning of Fyre Festival.
“They learned a lot about charging credit cards exorbitant amounts. They even got private lessons from Billy, I hope they put all those skills to good use.”
“Overall, I think Fyre Festival was a great learning opportunity for all the student unions involved. It taught us how to coordinate major events, be communicative with our customers, and have a fun time.”
Odd and Shawarma are both confident their investigation will lead to the discovery of other unions being involved, and they intend to hold those unions accountable.
