Reading Time: 2 minutes“I personally pushed my body to the edge with this whole ‘Batfleck’ business,” said Slattery, referring to the two-week hunger strike he took outside the front gate of the Warner Brothers studio last fall. “Now I’m preoccupied with more important matters, like eating solid food and finding a job.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes“St. Louis is a game changer,” said Babcock. “This guy can guarantee good nights of sleep for our best player, and he’s not bad on the ice either.”
Reading Time: 3 minutesMany U of O students are growing exceedingly anxious every day with the continuous posting of images of faces all over campus.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“Cliques at the U of O are like what fraternities are to colleges in the states,” he said. “Sure, less people care about that type of popularity game here, but I think that for those who do, it’s important to volunteer for the right clique during the election season. It will be hard to make friends in the other cliques if I don’t choose right on my first go.”
Reading Time: 3 minutes“When I walked through a door for the first time last week,” said Adams. “I wasn’t scared anymore. Besides smelling a bit like a block of aged cheddar, I was symptom-free. Avoiddoorance doesn’t control me anymore. Now I’m the one in charge.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes“Nobody is talking about important issues such as toilet paper reform on campus, or the broadcast of the Olympics, because they are all too busy studying,” said King.
“We’re going to have to change our strategy from a focus on peripheral student issues that really affect only those already invested in student politics to arguments about expanding study space during the school year.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesMany strongly worded letters were written to the FAAMT about the inappropriateness of bringing a cellular device into a movie theatre. While it is a second amendment right in America to own and carry a cell phone, the majority of writers agree that the movie-texter used their device in a manner that was simply uncalled for. In most cases, people felt that the presence of the object in a public area violated their basic safety rights.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“Some people think that students are too loud or their parties are too wild,” said committee member Jane Doh. “We realized the real issue is that Sandy Hill is located too close to the University of Ottawa. If we didn’t live so close to the university, we wouldn’t have these problems.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes“But because of the amounts of people at last week’s meeting we switched to a format of one person going up to the front of the room and complaining into a microphone while the rest of the group had to listen quietly. It really took away the organic feel of weather talk.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes“It’s not the drivers that cause problems on the roads,” he said. It’s everyone else.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesNew law outlaws women’s body hair A law passed on Jan. 5 states that women in Canada are no longer allowed to grow hair anywhere other than on their heads. After male members of Parliament deemed women’s body hair a danger to themselves and others, it was decided, with a majority vote, to ban it …
Reading Time: 2 minutesJust last month, Prime Minister Stevie Harper revealed he was duped by the comments of an attractive young journalist working for the Ottawa Denizen who described his helmet hair as “particularly fetching and stylish when seen next to Trudeau’s ridiculous curly locks.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes“The line-ups for returns were insane,” said Savage. “I had to rip a 10-year-old’s braid off just to make it into the line. People were punching, scratching, pushing, and slapping to make sure they got all their money back and to make sure our kids learn the true meaning of Thanksgiving.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes“The last thing I need is to walk into a glass door when I’m inebriated,” said Ford. “Glass doors think they are tough, but I could probably take one out in five to 15 minutes. No, give me 10 minutes with the door and I’ll knock it out. Wait, what are we talking about?”
Reading Time: 2 minutes“People are criticizing our party for illegal contributions to Senator Mike Duffy, meanwhile Liberals are out there puffing the magic dragon like it’s not a gateway drug. What a bunch of hypocritical criminals.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesAll Justin was saying is that Canadians would be much better off if we could just let go of our materialistic desires and accept some mild censorship, corruption, and unlawful persecution for the greater good.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“Well, we’re paid to make good policy, and I’m happy to say we’re finally earning our salaries,” said Flipflop. “We did the math and realized that the average debt for a student with public and private loans has increased 460 per cent over the past 15 years. We asked ourselves, who is going to pay for boomers’ health care in 15 years?”
Reading Time: 2 minutes“Beyond it being a beautiful reminder of the need for violence in the world, the statue also served as a valuable tool for bridging the gap between the Middle East and the Western world.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes“I was drawn to interpretive dance by the lavish costumes, ribbons, and spandex bodysuits,” he said. “I also feel a sense of ecstasy when I perform with wide swooshes of the arms, spins, and drops to the floor.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes“Friends don’t give friends viruses. Friends don’t spyware on each other. But I didn’t ask him to get tested and now I’m dealing with the consequences.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesSinger and actress Paris Hilton is outraged because she had to spend 23 days in prison for drunk driving, while celebrities like Brown and Charlie Sheen are getting off with equal or lesser sentences than her own.
Reading Time: 2 minutesDespite all this public outrage, the proposed ban still has to be voted through the lower house of French Parliament before it is passed. This gives mothers like Rogers and sex criminals like Danielson sufficient time to team up and launch an ideological counter offensive to make sure that events like pre-school swimwear contests remain perfectly legal on this side of the Atlantic.
Reading Time: 2 minutesTrojan has already worked on variants of its original model, including ribbed fingertips, mouth openings, and for the big boys and girls, the full-body Magnum.
Reading Time: 2 minutesPriority seating on the new routes will be given to shopping bags and backpacks, with aisles and doorways reserved for groups of people who don’t like to move. In addition, the 455 will use specially engineered buses, that will amplify the sounds of loud phone conversations and unpleasant bodily functions.
Reading Time: 2 minutesIt’s so great to see the administration actually doing something about making learning a more positive and environmentally responsible experience. No one is just idly sitting by bragging about a green wall in one building alone, or comforting themselves that the campus was ranked as the most sustainable in Canada.
