Reading Time: 2 minutesTo keep students unhappy, the administration has planned a series of ways to make U of O even more unbearable. Some of the proposed suggestions include eliminating the U-Pass, cancelling all snow removal policies, and beginning coal mining around campus.
Reading Time: 2 minutesThe program is expected to produce two million Anne adherents, or “immigrants” on the island by the year 2030. The long term goal is to move the entire population of Canada to PEI, in order to create a country in the model of Anne.
Reading Time: 2 minutesIn light of recent extreme weather, it is strongly recommended that students keep the following on hand: waterproof bags, rainwear, a canoe or kayak, an emergency generator, at least one week’s worth of non-perishable food, and a collection of inflatable toys that can be lashed together.
Reading Time: 2 minutesIt started off with one student who returned to find an unusually large pile of dirty dishes in the sink. Other students have noticed that their furniture has been moved, some have reported their beds being shifted across the room or that a pile of clothes they left in the corner has disappeared.
Reading Time: 2 minutesOfficials are working on mediating the conflict between the two sides, with City of Ottawa mayor Jim Watson sitting down with the leader of the Halloween decorations, Jack Skellington, and the mysterious leader of the Christmas decorations, known for wearing a red suit. Peace talks are scheduled to begin next week at city hall.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Students may appear to not be affected, but this virus can be deceiving, so take the utmost caution when leaving your apartments and visiting the other students. It is imperative that this virus is stopped and affected students are cleansed of the effects of this epidemic. Be safe, everyone, and be sure to protect yourself.
Reading Time: 2 minutesAccording to LeSwank, funding for season three of the show came from profits from the recent Everybody Hates Everybody (EHE) Festival. The festival featured a controversial “pay to play” policy, where the SFUO selected artists to perform based on how many tickets they could sell.
Reading Time: 2 minutesIn a startling, albeit strategic move, Richard Benson, head coach of the University of Ottawa’s men’s football team elected to field 12 panda bears in this year’s edition of the annual Panda Game against Carleton University.
Reading Time: 2 minutesThe still under construction STEM building collapsed last Tuesday because the design team overburdened the structure when they signed their names onto a supporting beam using extra thick Sharpie markers.
Reading Time: 2 minutesGo and enjoy cheap beers where you can, and if someone could spot the Tomato a threenie that’d be great.
Reading Time: 2 minutesOver the last six months, ARC has been testing out new developmental theories and applying them to real life test subjects, namely students at the U of O, in the hopes of quelling the growing threat of world domination by bulbous orange villains and climate change deniers.
Reading Time: 2 minutesTruly, as technology continues to improve, who knows what other jobs are at stake? If lamplighters and chimney sweeps are out of work then it’s only a matter of time before they’re joined by blacksmiths, cobblers and cattle rustlers.
Reading Time: 2 minutesPumpkington is holding onto the hope that justice will come soon for her and her children. Businesses like Basic’s are helping out, but for now she must keep her young ones on a short vine as pumpkin spice season begins in earnest.
Reading Time: 2 minutesWhile the first day of school is now set to begin Sept. 13, students whose primary faculty buildings are affected by the construction will start their courses even later, at the end of September. This delay will result in classes continuing over the winter break, with exams taking place in early January.
Reading Time: 2 minutesIt seems that much of the reaction stems from jealousy that older students don’t feel the same positive emotions.
Reading Time: 2 minutesFrom September 3-9, the university has placed a blanket ban on all music and dancing after 8 p.m., as well as a requirement that all students living on campus must be in their residences by 10 p.m. The administration claims this measure is needed to avoid complaints from Sandy Hill residents.
Reading Time: 2 minutesTo begin the process, City officials are removing all 2017-18 calendars from stores, and will be releasing a new and improved version of the Canada 150 advertising campaign in a few months. As part of the festivities, all businesses and residents will also be required to travel 365 days into the past.
Reading Time: 2 minutesStrange Globe and Mail article becomes a template for political marketing machine.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“No candidate shall say that the SFUO doesn’t listen to the voice of students. And anyone who doesn’t believe us can shut the hell up.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesTo help clear things up, the Tomato managed to get an interview with Trudeau. Suspiciously, the prime minister declined to make any comment, movement, or even blink.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“Okay sure, their articles about spying microwaves and political handshake courses were on point, but what they wrote about people tampering with the SFUO election? Ridiculous!”
Reading Time: 2 minutesStudents on the brink of starvation now that kitchen appliances are under lock and key.
Reading Time: 3 minutesNew entry in SFUO based reality series showcases students wielding pitchforks and torches at GA.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“While most institutions see the negative side of everything, we as a university embrace our flaws.”
Reading Time: 3 minutesFirst episode teases slap fight between president and VP social.
