It seems that much of the reaction stems from jealousy that older students don’t feel the same positive emotions.
The Tomato
From September 3-9, the university has placed a blanket ban on all music and dancing after 8 p.m., as well as a requirement that all students living on campus must be in their residences by 10 p.m. The administration claims this measure is needed to avoid complaints from Sandy Hill residents.
To begin the process, City officials are removing all 2017-18 calendars from stores, and will be releasing a new and improved version of the Canada 150 advertising campaign in a few months. As part of the festivities, all businesses and residents will also be required to travel 365 days into the past.
Strange Globe and Mail article becomes a template for political marketing machine.
“No candidate shall say that the SFUO doesn’t listen to the voice of students. And anyone who doesn’t believe us can shut the hell up.”
To help clear things up, the Tomato managed to get an interview with Trudeau. Suspiciously, the prime minister declined to make any comment, movement, or even blink.
“Okay sure, their articles about spying microwaves and political handshake courses were on point, but what they wrote about people tampering with the SFUO election? Ridiculous!”
Students on the brink of starvation now that kitchen appliances are under lock and key.
New entry in SFUO based reality series showcases students wielding pitchforks and torches at GA.
“While most institutions see the negative side of everything, we as a university embrace our flaws.”
First episode teases slap fight between president and VP social.
“Having students from all over the world means more diversity of thought, cultural exchange, and higher tuition f—I mean academic rigour.”—Jacques Frémont
“If it turns out that the guy who sells hot dogs out of a cart isn’t legit, I really won’t know who to trust anymore.”
“I’m so excited to learn everything about this important issue. I haven’t been able to find a job for nearly three years and now I understand why.”—Colleen McCafferty, third-year political science student.
After the 53rd recount, it dawned on election officials that while many ballots had been submitted, none of them had any names marked down. One ballot did have the words “Bernie for prez!” scrawled on it, but it was marked as spoiled.
The head of the Weather Network, Mateo Rologist, could not be reached for comment. Sources say he’s been rocking slowly back and forth for the past week whispering “they’ve broken it.”
“It’s not everyday that a rich, handsome actor with millions of worldwide fans gets the recognition he deserves.”—Cheryl Boone Isaacs, Academy president.
With the debate over electoral reform still raging, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau—henceforth retitled “Glorious and Eternal Leader of Canada”—quietly passed legislation on Monday, ending all subsequent elections.
“Statistically, a huge number of violent deaths in the U.S. are caused by white males, and if there’s one thing this administration lives by it’s facts and figures.”—Sean Spicer, White House press secretary.
“This is way cooler than what I learned in high school. I loved the part where Sir John A. MacDonald fought off four dragons using only a rusty blunderbuss and a 60-year-old bottle of scotch.”—Sheryl Watts, a first-year alternative Canadian history major.
Today, the number of Bridgehead coffee cups littering the Parliament Hill bus stop is higher than at any time in the last 150 years.”—@RogueLivingWall.
Many Anglophones were left asking their bilingual companions “qaStaH nuq?” as the PM droned on about pot legalization and his latest scuffle with Starfleet High Command.
“Luckily, the SFUO seems to be prepared for this. Their website is so dense and impenetrable that no hacker will be able to get access to any sensitive information.”—Michel Ghost, U of O cybersecurity expert.
“If you have to choose between running 1848 for a weekend or holding office hours in a sauna, I think it’s pretty clear what the answer is.”—SFUO president Roméo Ahimakin.
We’ve all been there…
