Reading Time: 3 minutesWith the debate over electoral reform still raging, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau—henceforth retitled “Glorious and Eternal Leader of Canada”—quietly passed legislation on Monday, ending all subsequent elections.
satire
Reading Time: 2 minutes“Statistically, a huge number of violent deaths in the U.S. are caused by white males, and if there’s one thing this administration lives by it’s facts and figures.”—Sean Spicer, White House press secretary.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“This is way cooler than what I learned in high school. I loved the part where Sir John A. MacDonald fought off four dragons using only a rusty blunderbuss and a 60-year-old bottle of scotch.”—Sheryl Watts, a first-year alternative Canadian history major.
Reading Time: 2 minutesToday, the number of Bridgehead coffee cups littering the Parliament Hill bus stop is higher than at any time in the last 150 years.”—@RogueLivingWall.
Reading Time: 2 minutesMany Anglophones were left asking their bilingual companions “qaStaH nuq?” as the PM droned on about pot legalization and his latest scuffle with Starfleet High Command.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“Luckily, the SFUO seems to be prepared for this. Their website is so dense and impenetrable that no hacker will be able to get access to any sensitive information.”—Michel Ghost, U of O cybersecurity expert.
Reading Time: 2 minutesAlthough The Campaign premiered just as the 57th American presidential election was getting underway, this satirical comedy is probably more relevant than ever in the year 2017.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“If you have to choose between running 1848 for a weekend or holding office hours in a sauna, I think it’s pretty clear what the answer is.”—SFUO president Roméo Ahimakin.
Reading Time: 2 minutesAfter MP Elizabeth May recently challenged her colleague’s use of the word “fart” in the House of Commons, the University of Ottawa’s BOG has announced it will follow suit.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“Maybe relying on this argument during such a crap year like 2016 was a bad idea.”—Ganya Till, EDS president.
Reading Time: 2 minutes “Lots of these memes have more policy meaning behind them than meets the eye.”—Good Guy Greg McDoge, meme interpreter.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“This might not be enough, the SFUO should seriously consider handing out free puppies and lattes to get students involved at GAs.”—Emily Smith, third-year economics student.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“I’m absolutely shocked at the outcome. The implications of this meeting could be felt for a very long time.”—Peter Ellis, a political science professor at the U of O.
Reading Time: 2 minutesOn Nov. 6, Rabaska abruptly ended its relationship with the U of O student body, and people are having trouble coping with the loss.
Reading Time: 3 minutes“We’re thinking of just not showing up to classes for a few weeks from December to January. That should show them.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesIn a surprising turn of events, students have been going up and hugging members of the SFUO, thanking them for years of scandal-free school.
Reading Time: 2 minutesLots of Americans will be moving to Canada in the wake of Tuesday’s election. There’s just no way those were empty threats, they’re definitely going to do it and you need to be ready.
Reading Time: 2 minutesAfter decrying the university’s lack of support for fair trade coffee, students took their disagreements outside. Across campus, spontaneous melees erupted as students hurled beverage cups at one another.
Reading Time: 2 minutesCandidates will be expected to submit their nominations and platforms no later than five days in the past.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“This app is state of the art technology. It has buttons, pictures, and at least three doohickeys.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes“My parents graduated summa cum laude from ByTowne Clown College. I guess I have some big shoes to fill.”
Reading Time: 3 minutesSince its original publication on Monday, Harper’s blog post—titled “Doge, cats, and liberal bias: mass hysteria”—went viral and caught the attention of top players in the Tory leadership race.
Reading Time: 2 minutesThese new positions include fireworks coordinator, private Uber driver, Pokémon GO tour guide, and many more.
Reading Time: 2 minutesArmando Iannucci’s Oscar-nominated British satire and spin-off of BBC series The Thick of It is about the political sphere in the U.S. and U.K. leading up to the Iraq War. The film received critical acclaim and stars pre-Doctor Who Peter Capaldi, and features the late James Gandolfini in a supporting role.
Reading Time: 2 minutesStaff lets him stay, despite sanitary concerns Photo: Kim Wiens Liam Cook, a first-year communications student, has moved into the new dining hall the second week of classes after seeing all the new amenities the all-you-can-eat, 24/7 cafeteria offers. Cook gave the Tomato an exclusive tour of his new home, after he’d been living there for …
