The Tomato

Photo: Rame Abdulkader.
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The Tomato investigates why healthy choices just aren’t booming with the baby boomers  

It seems as if there is a new article blaming the world’s woes on millennials every other day. Taxi drivers are going out of business thanks to Uber—boomers just prefer the good old smoky taxis where drivers didn’t know where they were going. Sleazy, rat-infested roadside motels are also suffering due to Airbnb. Netflix and other streaming services are replacing traditional television programs. I mean, who doesn’t love falling asleep on their La-Z-Boys in front of a fourth straight episode of Jeopardy?

Now, a recent rise in millennials purchasing healthy food is the last straw.

“Why would anyone pay $2 for one avocado when you get a bag of frozen peas for the same price? They’re both green anyway,” says baby boomer Wayne McLeod. In an interview with the Tomato, Wayne expressed serious disdain for the overwhelming selection of natural drinks at most grocery stores.

“I remember the good old days when everybody drank Coke and Fanta. Now everyone is walking around with kombucha and expensive coconut water.” he adds, before taking a sip of his third consecutive diet Coke.

Recent retirees Patrick Savoy and his wife Ingrid Gobel have shared similar sentiments regarding the rise of the health food movement. “We used to buy regular lettuce for our weekly salads. Nowadays, you can’t walk into a store without bumping into mountains of kale and boxes of organic arugula. What’s wrong with regular ol’ lettuce?” says Patrick who only eats salad once a week when his wife feels he needs some cleansing.

A spokesperson from Fole Woods, a trendy organic food store, recently spoke to the Tomato in an exclusive interview. “The baby boomers are boycotting healthy food and this has created a major problem for our markets. The majority of our clientele are now teenagers and young adults under the age of 40. We simply cannot continue in this direction for very long.”

The healthy meat industry is also taking a hit as of late due to the baby boomers’ lack of interest, and sometimes even rage, towards the subject. Millennials have been trying to buy GMO-free meat products from the few farms that still cater to them.

Farm owner, Pierre Sylvain, says that buses full of seniors have been coming to his farm, protesting his natural approach to raising animals. “Last week, a lady threw eggs at my tractor shouting, ‘what’s up free range eggs?’” stated Pierre before scattering goji berries over his flock of hens.

The fast food industry is on the rise for the first time since President Grump got elected. Baby boomers may need to take a break from referencing “their day” and start listening to their children and grandchildren, or the health foods industry may dissolve completely.