“Luckily, the SFUO seems to be prepared for this. Their website is so dense and impenetrable that no hacker will be able to get access to any sensitive information.”—Michel Ghost, U of O cybersecurity expert.
The tomato
On Nov. 6, Rabaska abruptly ended its relationship with the U of O student body, and people are having trouble coping with the loss.
“We’re thinking of just not showing up to classes for a few weeks from December to January. That should show them.”
In a surprising turn of events, students have been going up and hugging members of the SFUO, thanking them for years of scandal-free school.
Lots of Americans will be moving to Canada in the wake of Tuesday’s election. There’s just no way those were empty threats, they’re definitely going to do it and you need to be ready.
“I know for a fact bribery works, so I don’t understand how no one could have voted for me.”—Andrew Acheson, BOA candidate.
Starting Jan. 9, the U of O’s Department of Theatre will be launching a YouTube drama program, where students will get the opportunity to learn about the art of whining in front of a camera for 20 minutes.
After decrying the university’s lack of support for fair trade coffee, students took their disagreements outside. Across campus, spontaneous melees erupted as students hurled beverage cups at one another.
Candidates will be expected to submit their nominations and platforms no later than five days in the past.
“This app is state of the art technology. It has buttons, pictures, and at least three doohickeys.”
“My parents graduated summa cum laude from ByTowne Clown College. I guess I have some big shoes to fill.”
When asked about what he thought about the wall’s erection, Richard Head, a first-year sociology student, replied: “Haha, erection.”
One of the most popular suggestions was to increase the student government’s transparency. To prove that the executives take all suggestions seriously, the federation has made it mandatory for all SFUO members to be physically transparent.
Some faculties took preparations more seriously than others. The engineers dyed themselves purple to intimidate their foes, while the history students opted to read up on tactics used at past 101 Week skirmishes.
“What excites me the most is Paris’ insight on the current government’s bilateral relations with foreign powers. In other words, I want more details on Trudeau’s bromance with Obama!” —Larry Finkelstein, third year arts student.
Many are saying that this new residence is an outright necessity, especially since this year’s U-Pass line has already claimed the lives of 57 students who have died of starvation, burst bladders, and sheer boredom.
These new positions include fireworks coordinator, private Uber driver, Pokémon GO tour guide, and many more.
Are You Still Watching? turns the camera onto viewers Photo: Alamy, Creative Commons Netflix’s latest hit series asks its audience Are You Still Watching? and so far the answer has been a resounding yes. The show consists of a blank screen, silence, and a passive aggressive pop-up message that won’t go away–and yet is so …
It took hours for the City to respond to fallen leaf Photo: Kim Wiens A young leaf’s death in the Ottawa neighbourhood of Sandy Hill in the early morning of July 20 has had a deep uniting effect on the community’s residents. The tragedy, and its aftermath has been compared to the Toronto community’s response …
Plans are already being drawn up so that the City of Ottawa can take full advantage of all the hate energy that will be generated by West’s performance.
Despite these strict stipulations, droves of U of O students are still jumping at the chance to register for housing placements at Bytown.
This summer’s Bluesfest will be undergoing a radical thematic change now that event organizers are finally giving in to calls to incorporate more “blues” into the festival.
A new City of Ottawa program that looks to identify the worst potholes in the city is facing opposition from a cultural conservation group that wants to preserve these potholes as historical landmarks.
One University of Ottawa professor is giving students the option to engage in a hand- to-hand fight to the death rather than write an extensive exam.
An unidentified offender known as the “uOttawa man-spreader” has been raising hairs and turning stomachs all around the University of Ottawa campus.
