Reading Time: 2 minutesMany Anglophones were left asking their bilingual companions “qaStaH nuq?” as the PM droned on about pot legalization and his latest scuffle with Starfleet High Command.
The tomato
Reading Time: 2 minutes“Luckily, the SFUO seems to be prepared for this. Their website is so dense and impenetrable that no hacker will be able to get access to any sensitive information.”—Michel Ghost, U of O cybersecurity expert.
Reading Time: 2 minutesOn Nov. 6, Rabaska abruptly ended its relationship with the U of O student body, and people are having trouble coping with the loss.
Reading Time: 3 minutes“We’re thinking of just not showing up to classes for a few weeks from December to January. That should show them.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesIn a surprising turn of events, students have been going up and hugging members of the SFUO, thanking them for years of scandal-free school.
Reading Time: 2 minutesLots of Americans will be moving to Canada in the wake of Tuesday’s election. There’s just no way those were empty threats, they’re definitely going to do it and you need to be ready.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“I know for a fact bribery works, so I don’t understand how no one could have voted for me.”—Andrew Acheson, BOA candidate.
Reading Time: 3 minutesStarting Jan. 9, the U of O’s Department of Theatre will be launching a YouTube drama program, where students will get the opportunity to learn about the art of whining in front of a camera for 20 minutes.
Reading Time: 2 minutesAfter decrying the university’s lack of support for fair trade coffee, students took their disagreements outside. Across campus, spontaneous melees erupted as students hurled beverage cups at one another.
Reading Time: 2 minutesCandidates will be expected to submit their nominations and platforms no later than five days in the past.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“This app is state of the art technology. It has buttons, pictures, and at least three doohickeys.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes“My parents graduated summa cum laude from ByTowne Clown College. I guess I have some big shoes to fill.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesWhen asked about what he thought about the wall’s erection, Richard Head, a first-year sociology student, replied: “Haha, erection.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesOne of the most popular suggestions was to increase the student government’s transparency. To prove that the executives take all suggestions seriously, the federation has made it mandatory for all SFUO members to be physically transparent.
Reading Time: 2 minutesSome faculties took preparations more seriously than others. The engineers dyed themselves purple to intimidate their foes, while the history students opted to read up on tactics used at past 101 Week skirmishes.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“What excites me the most is Paris’ insight on the current government’s bilateral relations with foreign powers. In other words, I want more details on Trudeau’s bromance with Obama!” —Larry Finkelstein, third year arts student.
Reading Time: 2 minutesMany are saying that this new residence is an outright necessity, especially since this year’s U-Pass line has already claimed the lives of 57 students who have died of starvation, burst bladders, and sheer boredom.
Reading Time: 2 minutesThese new positions include fireworks coordinator, private Uber driver, Pokémon GO tour guide, and many more.
Reading Time: 2 minutesAre You Still Watching? turns the camera onto viewers Photo: Alamy, Creative Commons Netflix’s latest hit series asks its audience Are You Still Watching? and so far the answer has been a resounding yes. The show consists of a blank screen, silence, and a passive aggressive pop-up message that won’t go away–and yet is so …
Reading Time: 2 minutesIt took hours for the City to respond to fallen leaf Photo: Kim Wiens A young leaf’s death in the Ottawa neighbourhood of Sandy Hill in the early morning of July 20 has had a deep uniting effect on the community’s residents. The tragedy, and its aftermath has been compared to the Toronto community’s response …
Reading Time: 2 minutesPlans are already being drawn up so that the City of Ottawa can take full advantage of all the hate energy that will be generated by West’s performance.
Reading Time: 2 minutesDespite these strict stipulations, droves of U of O students are still jumping at the chance to register for housing placements at Bytown.
Reading Time: 2 minutesThis summer’s Bluesfest will be undergoing a radical thematic change now that event organizers are finally giving in to calls to incorporate more “blues” into the festival.
Reading Time: 2 minutesA new City of Ottawa program that looks to identify the worst potholes in the city is facing opposition from a cultural conservation group that wants to preserve these potholes as historical landmarks.
Reading Time: 2 minutesOne University of Ottawa professor is giving students the option to engage in a hand- to-hand fight to the death rather than write an extensive exam.
