Inside were the blueprints that detailed the secret clubhouse built in the sixth pillar that has housed some of the most elite and famous members of Canada’s past. We found photos of Sir John A. Macdonald, Sir Wilfrid Laurier, Frederick Banting, Alex Trebek, Steve Nash, Keanu Reeves, Drake, and Ben Mulroney all within the mysterious pillar — although to be fair there were reports that both Reeves and Mulroney had snuck their way in.
The new novel, titled Dan of the Dumps, looks into the life of Daniel Chester, one of Anne’s great-grandchildren who survived the recession of the late 1980s and started selling nickel stocks in magazine and book clubs.
There are mass protests planned in many Canadian cities to bring attention to what environmentalists believe to be pure stupidity on the part of the government, though all of the protests north of Toronto have been cancelled due to ferociously cold temperatures.
Optimistic that the bill will improve the elections process at the federal level, a student lobbyist group at the U of O called Students for Fair Elections is advocating changing the Student Federation of the University of Ottawa (SFUO) elections to reflect the federal model, in hopes of making it more efficient and fair for everyone.
“How the hell can they somehow find fault with Canada participating? It’s no secret we always suck at the summer Olympics, so how do they expect us to get any medals from now on? ”
Brevik has made a list of demands including a more comfortable chair and a computer to replace the typewriter he was being subjected to. Brevik also wants a Playstation 3 to replace his Playstation 2, and more adult video games.
Marwas, however, defended herself against such critics in her speech: “Concordia is an ideal university to relocate because it’s Engli—I mean, as Concordia is split between two campuses over eight kilometres apart, the students and staff there must already be used to travelling a lot, so moving their entire university to another province is absolutely reasonable.”
“I personally pushed my body to the edge with this whole ‘Batfleck’ business,” said Slattery, referring to the two-week hunger strike he took outside the front gate of the Warner Brothers studio last fall. “Now I’m preoccupied with more important matters, like eating solid food and finding a job.”
“St. Louis is a game changer,” said Babcock. “This guy can guarantee good nights of sleep for our best player, and he’s not bad on the ice either.”
“Cliques at the U of O are like what fraternities are to colleges in the states,” he said. “Sure, less people care about that type of popularity game here, but I think that for those who do, it’s important to volunteer for the right clique during the election season. It will be hard to make friends in the other cliques if I don’t choose right on my first go.”
“When I walked through a door for the first time last week,” said Adams. “I wasn’t scared anymore. Besides smelling a bit like a block of aged cheddar, I was symptom-free. Avoiddoorance doesn’t control me anymore. Now I’m the one in charge.”
“Nobody is talking about important issues such as toilet paper reform on campus, or the broadcast of the Olympics, because they are all too busy studying,” said King.
“We’re going to have to change our strategy from a focus on peripheral student issues that really affect only those already invested in student politics to arguments about expanding study space during the school year.”
Many strongly worded letters were written to the FAAMT about the inappropriateness of bringing a cellular device into a movie theatre. While it is a second amendment right in America to own and carry a cell phone, the majority of writers agree that the movie-texter used their device in a manner that was simply uncalled for. In most cases, people felt that the presence of the object in a public area violated their basic safety rights.
“Some people think that students are too loud or their parties are too wild,” said committee member Jane Doh. “We realized the real issue is that Sandy Hill is located too close to the University of Ottawa. If we didn’t live so close to the university, we wouldn’t have these problems.”
“But because of the amounts of people at last week’s meeting we switched to a format of one person going up to the front of the room and complaining into a microphone while the rest of the group had to listen quietly. It really took away the organic feel of weather talk.”
“It’s not the drivers that cause problems on the roads,” he said. It’s everyone else.”
New law outlaws women’s body hair A law passed on Jan. 5 states that women in Canada are no longer allowed to grow hair anywhere other than on their heads. After male members of Parliament deemed women’s body hair a danger to themselves and others, it was decided, with a majority vote, to ban it …
Just last month, Prime Minister Stevie Harper revealed he was duped by the comments of an attractive young journalist working for the Ottawa Denizen who described his helmet hair as “particularly fetching and stylish when seen next to Trudeau’s ridiculous curly locks.”
“The line-ups for returns were insane,” said Savage. “I had to rip a 10-year-old’s braid off just to make it into the line. People were punching, scratching, pushing, and slapping to make sure they got all their money back and to make sure our kids learn the true meaning of Thanksgiving.”
“The last thing I need is to walk into a glass door when I’m inebriated,” said Ford. “Glass doors think they are tough, but I could probably take one out in five to 15 minutes. No, give me 10 minutes with the door and I’ll knock it out. Wait, what are we talking about?”
“People are criticizing our party for illegal contributions to Senator Mike Duffy, meanwhile Liberals are out there puffing the magic dragon like it’s not a gateway drug. What a bunch of hypocritical criminals.”
All Justin was saying is that Canadians would be much better off if we could just let go of our materialistic desires and accept some mild censorship, corruption, and unlawful persecution for the greater good.
“Well, we’re paid to make good policy, and I’m happy to say we’re finally earning our salaries,” said Flipflop. “We did the math and realized that the average debt for a student with public and private loans has increased 460 per cent over the past 15 years. We asked ourselves, who is going to pay for boomers’ health care in 15 years?”
“Beyond it being a beautiful reminder of the need for violence in the world, the statue also served as a valuable tool for bridging the gap between the Middle East and the Western world.”
“I was drawn to interpretive dance by the lavish costumes, ribbons, and spandex bodysuits,” he said. “I also feel a sense of ecstasy when I perform with wide swooshes of the arms, spins, and drops to the floor.”
