After the 53rd recount, it dawned on election officials that while many ballots had been submitted, none of them had any names marked down. One ballot did have the words “Bernie for prez!” scrawled on it, but it was marked as spoiled.
Tomato
“It’s not everyday that a rich, handsome actor with millions of worldwide fans gets the recognition he deserves.”—Cheryl Boone Isaacs, Academy president.
“This is way cooler than what I learned in high school. I loved the part where Sir John A. MacDonald fought off four dragons using only a rusty blunderbuss and a 60-year-old bottle of scotch.”—Sheryl Watts, a first-year alternative Canadian history major.
Today, the number of Bridgehead coffee cups littering the Parliament Hill bus stop is higher than at any time in the last 150 years.”—@RogueLivingWall.
Many Anglophones were left asking their bilingual companions “qaStaH nuq?” as the PM droned on about pot legalization and his latest scuffle with Starfleet High Command.
“Luckily, the SFUO seems to be prepared for this. Their website is so dense and impenetrable that no hacker will be able to get access to any sensitive information.”—Michel Ghost, U of O cybersecurity expert.
“If you have to choose between running 1848 for a weekend or holding office hours in a sauna, I think it’s pretty clear what the answer is.”—SFUO president Roméo Ahimakin.
We’ve all been there…
After MP Elizabeth May recently challenged her colleague’s use of the word “fart” in the House of Commons, the University of Ottawa’s BOG has announced it will follow suit.
“Maybe relying on this argument during such a crap year like 2016 was a bad idea.”—Ganya Till, EDS president.
“Lots of these memes have more policy meaning behind them than meets the eye.”—Good Guy Greg McDoge, meme interpreter.
“This might not be enough, the SFUO should seriously consider handing out free puppies and lattes to get students involved at GAs.”—Emily Smith, third-year economics student.
“I’m absolutely shocked at the outcome. The implications of this meeting could be felt for a very long time.”—Peter Ellis, a political science professor at the U of O.
On Nov. 6, Rabaska abruptly ended its relationship with the U of O student body, and people are having trouble coping with the loss.
“We’re thinking of just not showing up to classes for a few weeks from December to January. That should show them.”
“I know for a fact bribery works, so I don’t understand how no one could have voted for me.”—Andrew Acheson, BOA candidate.
Starting Jan. 9, the U of O’s Department of Theatre will be launching a YouTube drama program, where students will get the opportunity to learn about the art of whining in front of a camera for 20 minutes.
As a result of the breakup, U of O president Jacques Frémont officially cancelled classes, calling for a campus-wide week of mourning instead.
Since its original publication on Monday, Harper’s blog post—titled “Doge, cats, and liberal bias: mass hysteria”—went viral and caught the attention of top players in the Tory leadership race.
Some faculties took preparations more seriously than others. The engineers dyed themselves purple to intimidate their foes, while the history students opted to read up on tactics used at past 101 Week skirmishes.
“We’re hoping to have the Apple headphones be so sleek and refined that they don’t even exist—try losing that!”—Tim Cook, Apple CEO.
A Siri-like feature is also in the works for Rabaska, where students can get the wrong information about their courses just by speaking into their phones.
After narrowly avoiding bankruptcy by firing most of its summer workforce, the Student Federation of the University of Ottawa (SFUO) has decided that, when it comes to cutting costs, it’s time to bring out the big guns.
Many members of the school’s student-run Concrete Sustainability Club (CSC) flocked to the stage to show their support for the Concrete Space.
The source told the Tomato that proposed ideas ran from the plausible, like setting off a fireworks display from the top of the Desmarais building and charging ticket fees, to the truly ridiculous, such as ensuring that SFUO fees are adjusted for annual inflation.
