Reading Time: < 1 minuteSex and relationship columist Di Daniels has recently announced that she’s not a therapist.
Tomato
Reading Time: < 1 minuteThe Snow Negation and Organization Watchboard of Ottawa has adjusted their policy for snow removal in the city, making three feet the minimum amount before plowing can be considered.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteSquat, a raccoon who was fined $150 for speeding on an electric scooter, has just been elected as the UOSU’s first safety commissioner.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteThe president of a local white supremacy group has stepped down from his role following the win of Democratic presidential nominee, Joe Biden.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteThe University of Ottawa has announced plans for a virtual campus as a new expansion pack on Sims 4.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteDemon summoned by roommates on Halloween won’t go back to where it came from…
Reading Time: < 1 minuteThe Tomato welcomes a guest editor, a certain famous fly, to share some thoughts on its television debut.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteThe University of Ottawa squirrel community has gathered in celebration of Squirrel Awareness Month, to reflect on another year.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteFinston Currents — an entrepreneuring, fitness-lovin shark — reflects on the success of his fitness brand, Gymshark.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteCommission on Presidential Debates believes that hosting a live stream over the popular 2018 party game is the best depiction of democracy.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteLots of Ottawa residents have been making the most of the scattered electric scooters. But did one raccoon take it too far?
Reading Time: 2 minutesuOShow is the University of Ottawa’s annual concert to welcome in the new class of students. But this year’s headliner is unlike any other.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteTo motivate students, one theatre professor has made bubonic plague-era masks mandatory for all of her classes.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteTo make sure the results of their Kahoots! are legit, the UOSU has hired a friendly face for additional security.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteAnother student has died by suicide at the University of __________, reports student newspaper, The _________.
Reading Time: 2 minutesSince the eradication of pedestrian walk signal buttons from his ward, Menard has launched an attack on all buttons in general, with no trace of discrimination. The buttons on his office’s microwave, the buttons on all of his clothes, the buttons on his remote control, and the buttons on his home appliances, including his washer and dryer.
Reading Time: 2 minutesZuckerberg’s sample presentation featured fake news stories the Facebook team plans to promote this election cycle, including headlines such as “Trudeau Pressured Wilson-Raybould to Help Maple Syrup Industry” and “Andrew Scheer Literally Ate A Baby”.
Reading Time: 2 minutesCurrently, the SFUO is crashing on different friends’ couches and futons throughout the city until she can “get back on her feet.” According to one friend who wishes to remain anonymous, the SFUO is not a great roommate.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“It’s going to suck not being woken up to the sound of heavy machinery right outside my window,” claims Roberta Pebble, a second-floor resident of 90 University. “There’s really nothing like the sound of tons of gravel being poured on LRT track. I’ve grown to like it, I guess I’ll have to buy an alarm clock now.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesAccording to his roommates, Michael DiMarco had gone to Minto Sports Complex for an early morning workout and hadn’t returned.
Reading Time: 2 minutesIn all my four years at this university not once has anyone mentioned the fact that we have a library! I’ve spent nights hunched over in dorm rooms, finishing essays by lamplight, paying for research from journals that I could have accessed for free?? I am livid.
Reading Time: 2 minutesLast week, for example, the club took a trip to the renowned Chez Ninety9, where, among
other delicacies, the group split a six-pack of deep-fried chicken morsels that club president Geoff Stache described as “almost tapa-like.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesHistory has been made by Dean Wels, a third-year student at the Telfer School of Management, who has somehow been placed on academic probation in the first week of school after winter break.
Reading Time: 2 minutesThe philosophy student, an enigma to those around it, treats syllabus week as hunting season. Asserting dominance during introductory lectures is their only way of ensuring a successful semester.
Reading Time: 2 minutes‘“No matter what, you are one of us,’ was actually a jab at the university, meant to address the sheeple culture that plagues academic institutions,” Matt explained. “I figured they would just paint over it. But you know the U of O, always defying the conventional.”
