Here’s a meme about the LRT to get you over your case of the Mondays!
The Tomato
Graham wishes he hadn’t waited until the last minute to check up on this stuff, and regrets not paying more attention to prerequisites during his (admittedly wilder and more carefree) freshman years on campus.
Recently accepted to the University of Ottawa’s Faculty of Science to study animal behaviour, the McDonald’s raccoon landed on campus this Thursday to figure out if U of O campus life is a good fit for him. But the visit left the raccoon, and students, questioning whether the U of O is truly the caring and inclusive campus it claims to be.
The Fulcrum is hoping its high praises result in an OSAP amount constituted of mostly grants — like many students, the Fulcrum has no idea how to repay the government loans.
“I mean, I’ve been studying environmental science for almost three years now, and I’ve never come across anything that suggested the possibility of ‘warm weather’ in this city. Maybe I’d be inclined to believe them if this were somewhere like Toronto, but everyone knows that Ottawa just doesn’t have a spring.”
Another student has died by suicide at the University of __________, reports student newspaper, The _________.
Since the eradication of pedestrian walk signal buttons from his ward, Menard has launched an attack on all buttons in general, with no trace of discrimination. The buttons on his office’s microwave, the buttons on all of his clothes, the buttons on his remote control, and the buttons on his home appliances, including his washer and dryer.
Zuckerberg’s sample presentation featured fake news stories the Facebook team plans to promote this election cycle, including headlines such as “Trudeau Pressured Wilson-Raybould to Help Maple Syrup Industry” and “Andrew Scheer Literally Ate A Baby”.
Currently, the SFUO is crashing on different friends’ couches and futons throughout the city until she can “get back on her feet.” According to one friend who wishes to remain anonymous, the SFUO is not a great roommate.
“It’s going to suck not being woken up to the sound of heavy machinery right outside my window,” claims Roberta Pebble, a second-floor resident of 90 University. “There’s really nothing like the sound of tons of gravel being poured on LRT track. I’ve grown to like it, I guess I’ll have to buy an alarm clock now.”
“I don’t want to go back to Ottawa, it’s cold, the dining hall food sucks, and I would have to get on a train for five hours. Back here, the fridge is fully stocked with stuff from Costco, my laundry gets folded and put away, and nothing has to ever change.”
A recent study led by University of Ottawa researcher Dr. Jarius Cross led to a shocking discovery. There was, collectively, zero reading done by U of O students during the winter semester reading week.
To commemorate the end of an era, MTV brought on former SFUO presidential candidate Oprah to host a lookback special of some of the SFUO’s most cherished moments.
According to his roommates, Michael DiMarco had gone to Minto Sports Complex for an early morning workout and hadn’t returned.
An independent investigation spurred by recent releases of Fyre Festival documentaries, has revealed that student unions were behind the whole thing. Samantha Odd and Angel Shawarma, the lead investigators, held a press conference earlier this week.
The challenge, which ran from Feb. 4 to 10, resulted in a higher lack of productivity than usual, with only three of 23 councillor seats occupied throughout the week. (Councillors who were not part of the challenge still used it as an excuse for their absences).
There was no mistaking it for Betty DeGrudge when, on a blustery, snow-covered Thursday morning, she finished her long drive in from the outskirts of the city, crossing over the Laurier Avenue bridge and into University of Ottawa territory: students are such a pain-in-the-ass.
After binge-watching all eight episodes of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo, a third-year U of O student went on a cleaning-spree. But it seems that she’s taken Kondo’s advice a little too seriously.
Jane Drummond, the student in question, has been on a “rampage” according to her concerned roommates Kristopher Trent and Jennifer Fremont.
In all my four years at this university not once has anyone mentioned the fact that we have a library! I’ve spent nights hunched over in dorm rooms, finishing essays by lamplight, paying for research from journals that I could have accessed for free?? I am livid.
Last week, for example, the club took a trip to the renowned Chez Ninety9, where, among
other delicacies, the group split a six-pack of deep-fried chicken morsels that club president Geoff Stache described as “almost tapa-like.”
History has been made by Dean Wels, a third-year student at the Telfer School of Management, who has somehow been placed on academic probation in the first week of school after winter break.
The philosophy student, an enigma to those around it, treats syllabus week as hunting season. Asserting dominance during introductory lectures is their only way of ensuring a successful semester.
‘“No matter what, you are one of us,’ was actually a jab at the university, meant to address the sheeple culture that plagues academic institutions,” Matt explained. “I figured they would just paint over it. But you know the U of O, always defying the conventional.”
It seems Health Canada is being run by toddlers. Names have been changed to protect the identity of the minors involved.
“The SFUO fully supports students’ right to smoke mouldy weed in the abandoned Brooks building,” the statement read. “All those who oppose this motion are obviously white supremacists.”
