The Tomato talks with students concerned about the new trans fat ban and what effect this will have on their late-night binges.
The Tomato
Covering the walls of the tunnel were elaborate schematics of what the Tomato would soon find out is the Tornadorator 3000. In the corner, a small group of engineering student were hunched over scribbling designs; UberEats Mcdonald bags littered the floor.
Students have noticed the wall’s seeming preference for arts and social sciences students, noting its significant distaste for engineers.
What we saw was astounding. We found loads of professional-grade concert speakers set up all over the site, hooked up to one guy’s laptop playing “Epic Construction Ruckus Medley—10-hour Version” on YouTube.
In the wake of a recent incident involving a bear wandering freely through the streets of the Byward Market, the Tomato has uncovered startling new information that has Ottawa pawsing to reflect.
“Yep—every week, we polish the whole thing, from top to bottom,” nodded Alan Lee, head of the Social Science Task Force (SSTF). “Keeps it looking spiffy for when the O-Train gets here.”
Returning students at the University of Ottawa have a misguided and dangerously optimistic understanding of just how easy their second year will be.
It’s easy to tell who’s not in the know. They’re huddled together in large packs, attempting to stave off the cold, inappropriately dressed for the cold weather. They claim their moms were going to buy them a Canada Goose coat over Thanksgiving. It’s the first years.
“We used to buy regular lettuce for our weekly salads. Nowadays, you can’t walk into a store without bumping into mountains of kale and boxes of organic arugula. What’s wrong with regular ol’ lettuce?”
“Run! Hide! Burn the evidence!”
While students may be struggling to adapt to not being chronically busy, there is still time to readjust and enjoy the summer—at least until the whole cycle starts up again in September.
On March 28, 2018, the Tomato sat down with Dave Robertson, author of Nobel Prize-winning e-book, “Assessment and management of a changing climate: successful adaptation to global warming,” and professor of environmental science at the University of Ottawa to discuss ways that students can help global warming.
“We’ve been named the seventh-happiest country in the world, and we couldn’t be happier,” said Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.
“I think this is an amazing use for our pointless diplomas, instead of just letting them sit in our houses collecting dust.”
From carrier pigeons to silent movies, Ford’s campaign has surely made use of the technology representative of the times he’s living in.
Eligible Canadians can apply for the munchies tax credit during tax season. So if it’s not too much work, try and remember to keep your cravings under the influence, or at least hold onto receipts.
However you decide to stay healthy next flu season, don’t forget that there are other plenty of fun and outlandish options beyond your ordinary flu shot.
Some students have found the proposed construction plans a refreshing and welcome change, noting that they will allow for more time spent moving, and less time sitting.
It’s safe to say that Air Canada is going the extra mile in making Olympians’ dreams come true.
However the Trump administration plans to meet its goal to work with as many evil regimes as possible, let’s just hope that they never get to Gotham City. Who knows how the Joker would react to seeing another clown in charge.
Whatever the reason for not voting it seems that students are saying loud and clear, “S-F U-O.”
After recent proposals to get rid of the nickel, much like the penny in 2013, the Tomato decided to sit down with a nickel to learn a bit more about them, and understand their views on how Canada’s monetary system should change.
Installing the update will also give Apple custody of the users’ first-born child, which is a step up from the litre of blood that was in the first draft of the new security protocol.
Inspired by Denmark’s hygge and Scotland’s cosagach, the Canadian government is now looking to cash in on the coziness trend with their own uniquely Canadian way of getting snuggly, dubbed CANCozy.
Oprah’s announcement has also raised a social media frenzy, with students across the U of O campus tweeting their excitement with the hashtag #OprahSFUO2018.
